Stories of a failure product

its been a long long time...

2008-04-07T03:00:00.002+08:00

well...it really has been a long time since i last blogged...i know i should be sleeping right now...tomorrow is a freaking long day filled with lectures from 9am-5pm...suddenly wanted to blog about something...i just dont know why i have this feeling...jealousy?anger?everytime i look at ppl's blog...i will have this feeling...feeling that i am not where i am suppose to be...feeling that i should be there...not that i dont enjoy being here...its this feeling of 'i should have done better and be there now'...ah,nevermind...what i have predicted long time ago really comes true...my inner heart wants to be there...not for anyone...not for anything particular...for myself...i love the place...

2008-03-01T10:39:00.001+08:00

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING INSOMIA! GO AWAY! WHY ARE YOU COMING BACK!!!! GO FAR FAR AWAY FROM ME!!! T_T

hope & aim...

2008-02-19T21:22:00.002+08:00

i have one and only hope and aim for now...which is to pass this semester without any problems...i dont want to get myself involve in any trouble...its a promise to everyone...to my parents and family especially...i dont want to let them down...that's all i want to do right now...i think its time for me to get serious with my work...sit down and start doing what i should do...i need to activate the serious and quiet me once again...my dad just mailed me saying things that i feel very bad about...somehow i have forgotten my priorities...i am sorry...one thing about me is that i can change anytime i want...there are alot of types of me...just that on what situation i choose which me to present myself...i am like a wind...wind has no directions...nothing can calm the wind...small wind or big wind? who cares...no one is gonna stop me now...

情人节快乐！

2008-02-13T23:29:00.002+08:00

时间过得真快。。。一年就将溜走了。。。我会永远记住这一天。。。因为是从那天起，我就没见过你了。。。

problematic...

2008-02-08T17:56:00.000+08:00

i never changed...i am still that problematic...problems problems problems...i am going crazy...i dont know who to talk to anymore...there are things that set me on fire...things that i cant let go even though its been a long time...all this frustration had become the will power for me to train...training harder than ever...my injuries are worse than i thought...its not only at the elbow but its also at my shoulder...but i have decided no matter what,i will still play and train at my very best...yes,even i am suffering pain on that day,i still will play...it is something i want to achieve...the chance is here...i just want to accomplish it and satisfy myself...its funny...i just dont understand why my heart feel heavier each day...its been a long time...almost a year now yet this days i have thinking a lot about you...i just dont know why...i just feel like seeing you...seeing how you've changed...seeing how well you have been...while there is nothing special on my side...from the very beginning,i was just a normal person...there aint nothing special about me at all...its still the same until now...just a normal person unlike you...its been a long time that i wanted to see you face to face...just hope one day i will be able to see you...somehow, i still feel that you are someone special...people said first love is the hardest to be forgotten...maybe its true...you are the first i guess...6 more days to Valentine's day...it really has been a year since i last seen you...lol...Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! a day to remember...

down and upset...

2008-02-06T22:03:00.000+08:00

its the eve of chinese new year and i am having this kind of mood...since years ago,i dont find CNY interesting or fun anymore...instead,i feel that it is very boring...anyway,Happy Chinese New Year to everyone!

went to training this evening and i was really upset...my elbow is injured...there is a term for it...its called the tennis elbow...i dint want to show the pain as my dad was there looking at me training and the training dint went well...but when i came out of the tennis court to rest...my hand felt like...nothing...no strength to even hold a can of 100 plus up properly...then i finally told my dad about the pain and my dad said no more playing...i told my dad that during strokes there is no pain...its pain only when i serve....then he told me that its because when i serve,if i dint hit the target properly and hit the side of my racket,it will have a big impact and it will hurt my elbow...have been training non stop this few days...i knew that i would hurt it one day but i just kept going...i felt the pain days ago but it was not as extreme as today...my dad insist that i rest for few days...the problem now is that...it will surely reoccur when i serve due to the strength i put in...competition competition...how?must think a way to counter it...

my past...

2008-02-03T10:17:00.000+08:00

days passed by...months passed by...but it felt like years passed by...i still miss the same person...i still care for the same person...i still feel like meeting that specific same person...why? i dont know...maybe until the day i finally get to meet that person,i will still be like that...i have been very quiet this days...really really quiet...i guess that is how i am when i dont have anything to look forward to...its my natural state i guess...woke up at 8 this morning...went to the sports club because i heard from my dad that my coach will be there and there will be other players also...so i went...blindly looking for a challenger to train with...when i drove out,i realise it was raining...it was drizzling...when i reach the club,there was no one to be seen at the tennis court...feeling disappointed,i went to the gym and did some workouts and went home...sucks...

lost in my world...

2008-01-31T19:49:00.001+08:00

i just dont know where am i and what am i doing anymore...i just cant concentrate on doing anything...one moment i am smiling and another moment i am not...its just so me...i feel bored each minute that passed by...nobody to share things with...nobody to share happiness or the sadness or even the fan-ness...everyday i reach home...i just wanna go to sleep...i just dont have anything to do...next wednesday is already chinese new year...so what? lol...to me chinese new year is no big deal...nothing special...meaning of life...when only i can find it...when only will i realise it...i just dont know...every time i go out...anywhere...play ball...training or anything...when its time to go home...i just dont feel like going home...i just feel like hanging around talking...at least i am happy doing that...dint sleep much last night...only manage to sleep at 5am and woke up at 7am...wtf...my only target now is the competition in two weeks plus time...training training and training...pushing myself to the limits but in the end when i reach home,i just feel empty...sometimes i ask myself...train so hard for what? there is no one to acknowledge also...

busy...

2008-01-25T23:34:00.000+08:00

it has been very very long since i last blogged...lol...too busy settling stuff...shifted in my new apartment...taking time to settle down...basically too busy...class schedules are packed like nobody's business...everyday 9am-5pm...seriously...i got no time...even if i have time...i just dont have the mood or feel to blog anymore...lol...will be busy with the next two weeks also...will be busy training...intensive training...to build up my stamina and leg muscles...joining both futsal and tennis competition in two weeks time...hope i can get some good results and satisfy myself...i am all pumped up now...tomorrow will be the first day of training...

i'm sorry...

2008-01-13T12:52:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry that i could not be there for you when you needed someone...someone to talk to or someone to hold on to...i want to but i just dont know how to anymore and usually time dont allow it...months had passed by...yet i still care for you but i cant stand up to tell you that because i am no one to you anymore...guess this is what the word 'special' means...stupid me...being over-sensitive again...

对望

我们的纪念

i believe...

2008-01-13T01:41:00.000+08:00

i believe...with my own hands and legs i will be able to complete and achieve things that i want to...to me...nothing is impossible...as long as i still have my hands and legs and the will power...i will make everything possible...dont say the word impossible to me...i promised myself things that i have to do in the years to come...promised my sisters that i would do something for them...and the things that i said,i aint joking at all...one day,i will surely achieve what i say to them...with my own hands,i will be someone someday somewhere...being alone aint a big problem to me anymore...in fact,i am starting to like it...i am able to push myself harder and keep constant pressure on myself and keep improving myself...this few weeks have made me a stronger person and a more matured person...a more responsible person...but being stronger that quickly always come with a price...what price? you wont want to know...i just want to continue to be like that...this days at home,i really felt that i am appreciated...really felt home...i started talking to my parents more...finally,my klang apartment is almost fully settled...shifted all my stuff by myself today...it aint that bad...as i said,as long i have my hands and legs,i will make it possible...although its a whole load of stuff but i did it...please dont look down at me anymore...this is an important year for me...i will change the tides against me...i will achieve my dream one day...a dream that i dint know i had been holding on to since the age of 12,slowly working towards it...i will wait for that one day to come...

忙!

2008-01-11T00:23:00.001+08:00

will be super busy for the next week...just settled my apartment this week...now have to settle the small details...internet...heater...shifting and stuff...those small little things lar until its finally perfect...will spend next week thinking of what to do during the semester to fill time and MAYBE start studying a bit...currently finding legs to play futsal...haha...tennis also...finally...another week and the semester starts...i guess i get used to doing things alone now...i am fine with it...will go down to klang this weekend and start shifting some stuff alone...just came back from Ipoh today and all i get is disappointment...sien...haih...nvm lar...screw it...

spoiler

2008-01-05T21:48:00.000+08:00

WAHAHAHAHA! i am a movie spoiler...i just downloaded 5 movies...i have been watching movies that are not even released in Malaysia! just watched The Game Plan...not bad at all! another movie that is yet to release in Malaysia is No Country for Old Men...well i will watch that tomorrow...i am bored and i got nothing to do :( i just finished reading Prince of Tennis manga till the most recent released chapter...its 372 chapters in 2 days...kakaka...actually i am quite busy...i got things i need to do but i havent start doing it yet...that is so me...slacking slacking...parents told me that they are going to Ipoh with a friend's family...asking me to come along but i think i just cant...then my dad add in...before i go Ipoh can you come help me shift some stuff? T_T i havent even settled my stuff and i have to settle yours...haha...but its light stuff though...nothing compared to mine stuff F3

friendship / face

2008-01-03T02:50:00.000+08:00

its 3am and i cant fall asleep again...not thinking about anything specific...mind just kept flying...just want to say about something...i know a lot of people out there that wants face...so no matter what you did wrongly or badly...you wont admit it or you wont step forward and take the initiative to apologize or say sorry but instead,you would wait for another person to take the initiative to get things fixed...if friendship is at stake,is face really that important?i seriously dont know...i am very tired actually...why am i always the one taking initiatives?why am i always the one taken for granted?why am i always the one that put my face or pride down to fix things?because of what?so that you can even take me for granted further more?or so that you can think that i can be bullied even more?you think you deserve everything that you have...but sometimes everyone should think twice...do you really deserve it?or you are starting to take things for granted?if face is really that important to you then i would say its quite hard for you to find friendship because you will never get to mend things when they go wrong...i think i have been too soft and too kind...seriously...sometimes i really think that people that arent that kind hearted or not good at all are even more appreciated compared to those kind hearted people...so why be a good guy when all the bad guys are taking all the rewards? o.0 i told myself...try not to be a good guy...try not to be so nice to people anymore...my bro told me "dont be stupid,in the end,the good guys win.." lol...i just cant be a bad guy...too bad....so i will just continue to be taken for granted? no way...it stops right here...i wont tolerate anymore shites from anyone...especially people that take me for granted...i dont want to be a nobdy...i just want to be a somebody that is appreciated by everyone...those best friends that surround me are friends that had went through a lot of tough periods with me...sharing my sadness and also my happiness...if you call me to let go or forget them?i wont and i cant...they are like my brothers and sisters...if i did anything wrong or sorry to them,i will be the first one to say sorry...first one to take the initiative to talk back with them...first one to get things fixed...in the end,i will ask you...is friendship important to you?if it is,why the fuck you still want face for?

wrapping up...

2007-12-30T16:27:00.000+08:00

its time to wrap up the year of 2007...its finally the end of an awful year...i just cant wait for the new year to come and get started with everything...getting started with classes and stuff...finally...3 more weeks till the new semester commence...i never felt this eager for a semester to commence...lol...not 3 weeks...can say 2 weeks...i will be staying in klang for one week first i think to get used to the new apartment...will be busy settling my apartment and shifting stuff again...lol...i will be dead tired T_T its damn a lot of things...i just hope i wont be busy finding small items that i simply chucked when i shifted last time...hahaha...finally...its here...a new year...i have been waiting for a long time...since who knows when...i will just hope it will be a wonderful year for me...a lot of things to learn...a lot of new environment to go to...i will be working for damn sure next year after my semester...earning my own money and buying my own stuff...just cant wait for it...new year resolution?once again to improve myself...all rounded...cheers to the new year...

changed...

2007-12-29T01:27:00.000+08:00

i have changed...sorry...whether any of you like it or not...its too late...i had learned that everything is just shite...everything i do...everything i tried my best in doing...always go against me in the end...there is no more second chances for anyone...i gave too much second chances till the point that i am bored of it...my good friends ask me...WTF are u doing?why are you still giving this kind of people chances...no need fk such ppl liow lar!wasting ur time! yea...wtf...i dont know...just stupidity...i am always taken for granted...i just dont know why...is it my look or what...its like i am meant to be taken for granted...again,again and again...if you are looking for the hyper and happy-go-lucky cm...i am sorry...he is already gone...he is hurt...he lost too much things that was once meaningful and precious in his life...if you manage to see me smile nowadays then you are lucky...cause i dont smile that much anymore...i am back to the quiet and serious me...a reminder...i am a sensitive person...i know everything...i sense everything...just dont try anything on me...i am defensive now...sometimes,i really feel like talking to a specific person...but everytime i talk to that person,the conversations just give me a feeling that the person dont want to talk to me...and everytime i will end up with a heartbreak and sadness...the truth is i still care for that person...talking to that person is like a gift from god...but i just dont know why,it just dont work out...i just dont understand why this is happening to me...changes changes changes...i just cant count how many times that i have changed this year...one more change before a new year arrives...i am not the same anymore...never forget...never forgive...

merry xmas

2007-12-26T13:18:00.000+08:00

super tired -_- loads and loads of driving was done...i am now scared of driving! very lazy -_- went shopping! WOOT! bought some nice clothes! hehe! try to buy more next month using my own pocket money T_T almost prepared for next year already! sad to say... my mood is still the same... at times i am dead serious and i dont smile... dont know what the fk had happened to me lar... i guess i will continue to be like that...

haih...

2007-12-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

not in a good mood once again...went to auntie's place just now...met a few of my cousins...cousins that i really like talking to but dint get to meet them for quite a while...its not a surprise that my aunties asked me about my gf and i told them no more liow...its because there is one auntie that works in sg and she knows that i always go to sg and she asked whether i going to sg which at the same time hinting about my gf...after that,sat down with my cousins and seriously i like the atmosphere in my auntie's place...her daughters always bring their bfs back home for dinner and always hang out at her place...her son brought his wife and kids back too...really a big happy family...kinda jealous...my sisters bringing their bfs back for a normal dinner? LMAO...NO WAY! once again my cousins asked me about my gf again...and i said no more...they always ask why but i just cant find the proper answer for it...then after that my cousin asked me again whether i got new gf...then i answered no...in fact, i told her i am single for more than half a year already...she was like 'HUH?MORE THAN HALF A YEAR?' she was saying "you have such good qualities,impossible nobody wants you...or is it too much girls approach you until to the point you cant choose..." i told her...there is none at all...she was kinda disappointed which i dont know why...my auntie add in..."handsome also no people wants?" lol...i left my aunties house in a down mood...before leaving,my auntie once again asked why break up? i dint answer it properly...if you ask me that question ten times,maybe ten times i will give a different answer...then my auntie said that i 花心...then i told her that till now i have no gf at all...lol...then she was shocked -_- and smiled while saying "its ok...still young...you scared nobody wants you?" i am glad i am able to see this familiar faces again...the whole way driving,i was thinking...why do people think i am good? why this? why that? but i fail to find any answers...

movies...

2007-12-20T15:15:00.000+08:00

i am a movie maniac! XD

~~American Gangster~~
~~Stardust~~
~~Shoot Em Up~~
~~The Golden Compass~~
~~I am Legend~~
~~Enchanted~~
~~The Kingdom~~
~~The Warlords~~
Alvin & the Chipmunks
National Tressure: Book of Secrets
Alien vs Predator 2
Iron Man
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Cloverfield

the list continues...

i am bored -_- i even finish reading Steven Gerrard's autobiography...i know i am a slow reader but this is considered fast to me...now...should i buy Jeremy Clarkson's book? i want to but its expensive T_T saw something quite funny just now...my dad was blasting a song...it was weird...then i realised it was 光良-童话 and to add on, my dad was singing along with it...lol...i was like o.0 after that, my dad suddenly asked me about something... it came back to me suddenly... i forgot that i had some sort of small little 'ball' at my neck that may need some operation... my dad asked me "how? need operation?" how i know wor -_- but of course if can, i dont want!

nightmare...

2007-12-20T12:25:00.000+08:00

an event left my whole body trembling and heart beating faster than ever...what was that event? i nearly had a high speed accident at more than 100km/hr... if the accident did happen then i wont be sitting down here nicely typing... i may be dead... very high chances cause i knew that the speed was going to give a freaking big impact... this was how it happened... there was a slow traffic in highway... then all of a sudden, the traffic started moving... there's some space to speed up and the car in front of me definitely speed up fast... i thought we had space so i followed too... after i accelerated and just went up to speed... a car further in front jammed his breaks... fucking hell... then the car in front of me jammed his breaks as well... my car just went up to speed... i did not have enough distance in front of me to slow my car down... even i did jammed my breaks... if i follow the same lane, i would definitely bang the car in front of me and it would be a three car accident... furthermore, my car had its ABS breaking system taken off due to some problems to it... so basically there are chances for my car to lose control when i jam my breaks... luckily i checked my side mirrors fast and found some space on the middle lane... i jammed my breaks and shifted my car to the middle lane... thanks to the extra Gs or forces when shifting my car at high speed, the car dint skit... and guess what...i just managed to slip in front of a car in the middle lane...i bet it was just few inches in front of that car and i slipped in at such speed... the person in that car must be dead shocked... he must be like 'WTF?' but there is nothing i can do then that...in my heart, i was saying "sorry mate, i scare the shit out of you but i had to do that if not i am dead..." it was the only way out.... after i slipped in to the middle lane i found that there was a car not far ahead... luckily my car managed to slow down by then...if it dint, i would have needed to shift my car to the last lane which luckily had no car at that time... after i recovered from that incident, i continued driving slowly... traffic is slow... i passed by three accidents but the traffic is slow, i wondered why but dint mind thinking of it as i am still trembling... i just want to concentrate and drive... in me, i was screaming "let me out of the fucking highway now!" yea...i want to get out of it badly... but then it was slow traffic all the way until i reach Seremban toll... after i reached home and online, only that i realised that it was Haji which explains why the traffic is so slow in the highway... the first lane was running at 60-80km/hr only... at home, my body was exhausted... never did i felt this tired... not the muscles tired just the whole body losing its strength...

tried sleeping but dint fall asleep quickly...it took a long time for me to fall asleep...when i finally fell asleep, i dreamed about me in a high speed accident... me driving and the view of the road ahead of me... driving at high speed... i was damn scared and i woke up from it... dint have any good sleep at all...

emo emo emo!

2007-12-17T23:01:00.000+08:00

yay! i am emo-ing! i am going mental! wtf! i just wish tomorrow is 21st of january and i wont need to think of so much stuff and crap...trying to figure out what is wrong with myself...yeah...there is definitely something wrong...i am going crazy already...when i need someone to talk to,no where to be seen,no where to be found...haih...its always like that...its only 11pm and i think i am going to sleep now...people will be like 'WTF?cm sleep at 11pm?you fucking joking me?" lmao....i think i am changing again...recent events hit me hard and low...i am losing it...losing my normal self...just wished that someone can keep me in tact...the end of year 2007 is almost here and i still do think i am a failure...yea...i passed my supp,so what?nothing much...life carries on...the HK trip sort me out a bit...but its not enough...i just want time to pass by faster...that's all...i feel lonely as ever...i have no one...in the end,i am just a nobody...tired of trying...tired of being a nobody...just wish i knew what made me such a big failure...

oh wtf...

2007-12-17T11:17:00.001+08:00

what a great way to start the day...four calls came in when i was sleeping...wtf...destroying my sleep totally...not my handphone but my house phone...luckily i had cordless phone beside my bed...really zzzz...after the four calls i cant manage to sleep back already...for fuck sakes...haih...not in the mood this days...have to head to airport later to fetch my parents...time to get some scolding...

reign over me...

2007-12-16T20:51:00.000+08:00

crap...spending few days alone at home aint good at all...its not helping either...i felt like crap...emo-ness and emptiness are reigning over me...i felt like shit...its like i am missing something in life...that last piece of my life...like a puzzle...it wont be perfect until you get that last piece done...i just cant figure out what was the last piece...haih...dont know how long will this last again...went for a movie alone just now...watched 'I am Legend' i must say it disappointed me whole lot...thanks to all the publicity and advertising...its fucking over-rated...its so damn bored and the ending was poor and fast...i sat on the third row from the screen...i told myself "its ok...i can bare with it if its a good movie" i came out of the cinema and said 'what the hell' to myself...seriously over-rated...nevermind...i will just take it as filling up the empty time that i had...its Grad Slam Sunday...Liverpool vs Manchester United and Arsenal vs Chelsea...it will be a freaking good match...i want to watch it badly but i dont have Astro at home so fuck it again...and please...dont fucking criticize Liverpool in front of me...i will fuck you up nicely if you do so...Manchester United will win...bla bla bla...be realistic...dont make assumptions until the end of the match...yeah...i like Liverpool damn a lot and after reading Steven Gerrard's autobiography, i love it more...i have a Liverpool home jersey and i must say i love it loads...thanks to my friends...it was a birthday gift from one whole gang...i keep reminding my maid not to put it in the washing machine that would destroy it and telling my friends not to pull it so hard! its fucking RM200+ and its my birthday gift! lol...but the pulling part is ok lar...just joking...it wont get wrecked so easily...may Lady Luck smile on Liverpool today...chances are created now compared to last season...just lacked the luck of touch by the strikers...

boredom

2007-12-15T19:37:00.000+08:00

i am so bored at home... just wasting time basically... i dont know why but i feel very empty... mind and heart are both empty... just cant find anything to think of... i just hope days pass by faster so that next semester comes faster... i dont know whether this words are best used to describe what i am feeling now... i felt that... i lost the meaning of life... i dont have a feeling to everything... its like i'm numb...fuck it...

about me...

2007-12-14T11:22:00.000+08:00

after going for the HK trip...i understand myself much more better...know myself inside out...haha...this is a joker post =D let's see...

i got the height of Leo Ku o.0 i dint know Leo Ku so tall one...180 plus cm weh!

i got the kawai-ness of Janice Wen Lan V(^^)

i got the yeng-ness of Andy Lau but i think i more yeng lar...he so short!

i got the gan xing-ness of the late Tai Kor...not gayish part..the gan xing-ness part k...

i definitely have some royalty! wahahaha!

have some potential to be the President of the United States! LOL!

i do have the potential to be a terrorist...Sadam Hussein!

i have some nerdy characteristics...

definitely a criminal! LOL!

i found my wife in Disneyland...LOL! Beauty & the Beast...sorry...me no beast k XD

back!

2007-12-13T20:42:00.000+08:00

WOOT! i am 1000% satisfied with this trip! seriously! thanks a lot to Rachel! my tour guide all the way in HK...without her,i wont be able to have such an enjoyable trip...the stuff i bought is totally what i want... disneyland impressed me a lot too...its not just a mere kido place... it really impressed me to the max... just a short post... the stuff that i bought...

my new DKNY watch! WOOT! another reason for buying DKNY is because it is hard to be found in Malaysia XD

MY IDOL! the book that i wanted to read since the beginning of this year! finally got it! while finding for this book, i saw another book that i want! haha! hope i can buy it later! its jeremy clarkson's new book!

NIKE AIR FORCE! my first pair of air force! its cheaper in HK so i bought it! =) will be changing shoe laces...kekeke...secret...will be damn nice if i succeed...oh yea...green colour again...kakaka...3 years in a row now that my shoe is green...i just love it!

Quicksilver shorts! bought it at a mall that has only outlet stores...i got this for HK72...around rm35 only o.0

Casual blazer! finally found it! have been looking for one! hehe...price is quite ok lar! its Giordano but believe me...the Giordano in HK is totally different...i dont know about my coat but other stuffs are totally stunning...

another bottle of alcohol in pocket! going crazy already...Jack Daniel, Limited Edition! XD cant wait for my alcohol party...green apple bacardi, vodka, JD, Chivas, Black Label...oh yea...WTF! BBQ!

-gone-

2007-12-06T14:53:00.001+08:00

leaving for airport now...bye bye...lost contact for one week...wont see the word 'cm' in your msn list for one week...i know it will be weird cause my nick is usually there 24 hours...lol...take care everyone...cheers...oh yea...i called pn. aini just now and she said "not to worry...no need to worry so much" so i assume that its a positive answer...i hope so...i'm sorry...i really had super bad mood before i leave...something is wrong with me...totally fked up...

2007-12-06T10:52:00.001+08:00

i'm leaving later at 6pm but i must say that i am not feeling excited or happy about it...i dont know why...its like a lot of things are bothering me now...maybe its me giving myself big pressure...big pressure to let go of things...总是有依依不舍的感觉。。。这是怎样的啊？再这样下去的话，我真的不懂要怎样做。。。为何永远放不下。。。哎。。。真麻烦。。。

its time...time is here...

2007-12-06T00:24:00.000+08:00

no more fooling myself...no more playing around...the moment is here...to let go of everything...i mean everything...i wont think of it anymore...i dont want to...now i got things to worry more about...not more...i just cant take my mind off it...i want to start new...leave everything behind me...i have to force myself to leave you behind...i'm sorry...its not going anywhere...i deserve a lot of times more than this...all the bad things are happening not to me only...but to my family also...i cant take it anymore...its been a long year...a bad year...a year that is filled with sadness and unhappiness...i have grown alot stronger through this year but not strong enough....i want to be stronger next year...i want to be a better person...

thanks for all the support...

2007-12-05T05:02:00.000+08:00

i really must say thank you for all the good luck and all the best wishes from everyone...this is the first time i had this much support before facing a test...seriously,this is the first time i felt like this...felt that everyone was backing me...everyone was behind me...before this,i never felt like this before...i dint really have support or encouragement from anyone...which also include my parents...but the down point was...i am afraid that i once again disappoint everyone...the first one of course is me myself...i really studied very well for it...dont say i slack or what...i really put hard work in it...i studied bit by bit...slowly but it was there...i dont know what was the reason...i nearly broke down completely in the room facing three lecturers...i had forgotten everything at that moment...even the easiest question that i answered so detailedly well just minutes before...i panic-ed...i was questioned till the point that my jaws drop...my mouth was wide open but no words were coming out from it...all i had in my mind was "oh shit...is this the end?" i closed my eyes back then...i was so afraid that i will fail even after having this second chance...then i heard one or two of the lecturers saying "dont panic,keep hold of yourself...if not you wont be able to get through this..." after that i opened my eyes,force my brain to start rolling again and finally it functioned and i managed to answer the questions but i dont know whether the lecturers are satisfied with my answer...i dont know whether it was bad luck or what...but i realised that most of the questions thrown at me...i dint actually understand the question and what more the answer that the lecturer was seeking...after answering,the only thing i wished for was leaving that room as soon as possible and find someone to talk to....but once again,there was no one...after that,i called a few friends to talk about it and i felt better...after that, me, tee han and kan mun went to the new JJ to have a look and had our dinner there...but i was not satisfied...i need to release more...not to release only for exams...but to release for something else that have been bothering me for very long...so after that, me, bro, egg, tee han and blom went to a pub/disco...dont know what is it actually but its outside of pyramid...drank two jugs of beer and finally i get my satisfaction...i dint want to go home so i hanged out in bro's place...will be going back later...its 5.30am now...lol...once reach home,i will be busy again...washing some clothes and packing my luggage for HK...i am going to HK on thursday evening and finally get my vacation that i craved for so long...but before leaving,i hope i can know the results of the supp...frankly speaking,IF i seriously fail it,there would be a high chance that i wont continue...there are a lot of reasons to it...i dont want to say it out...i am passing days worrying about my family more than ever...this is the first time i cared so much about my parents...the people that took care of me and raised me to this point and for what?just to have me disappoint them?there is still no one out there that i can really tell everything to...and i mean EVERYTHING...every thinking and opinion of mine...haih...sometimes i just want to cry...things that are happening are unbearable...just moments ago,i realised that my birthday wish did actually came true...

the truth is...i miss you loads...i cant let go...or maybe i dont want to let go...the feelings are still there...if there is any chance or turning back, i will definitely take it and hold it tightly and appreciate it...after losing everything only that i realise the PURE HAPPINESS that i had back then was the 'thing' that i had been finding for so long...

almost there...

2007-12-02T20:41:00.000+08:00

supp test is on tuesday...am i prepared? i dont know...lol...i am quite scared actually...but not scared enough to make me study...being scared and not scared at the same time...which also means that i am slacking a bit...wanted to blog for fun...very bored at the moment...the moment is here...the moment of freedom is almost here...i will be free on thursday...released from everything...stress and problems...its been a long and tough year for me,finally i got this chance to relax and chill myself...let go of things i want to let go...think of things i want to think...refresh myself up for the upcoming challenges...one more month and its a new year already...the year of 2008,i hope it will be a much better year...i hope that everything will be ok...everything...family,friendship,relationship and studies...i am looking forward to a new beginning...give me a chance and i will try my best....i promise...

mom said drink more water...wakakaka...she saw this and said 'wah! so many bottles!' lol...

love this at the moment,it tastes great...waiting eagerly for PARTY TIME! which would not come so soon T_T having BBQ and drinking alochol with a bunch of great friends,aint it perfect? XD

passport ready,air ticket ready,money ready...i am good to go! HERE I COME HONG KONG! ROAR!

why...

2007-11-30T20:01:00.000+08:00

why...why were you the first one in my mind when i wanted someone to talk to...not him and not her but you...its weird...everything is like coming back to me...yeah...i missed you...i missed your smile...i guess all along i cared for you...just that i dint realise or dint show it...

2007-11-30T15:40:00.000+08:00

i wanna run away...run away at this moment...i cant take it...i cant stand it...i dont know where to run to...who to go to....its been a long time that i am in the middle of this kind of situation...every time it happens i would just cry,cry and cry non stop...i tried my best stopping it but every minute that passes by hurt so badly...i want to run but i just cant...if i run,i dont know what would happen...i still have a supp test to study for...i dont know how am i gonna study for it in this kind of atmosphere...i am very scared inside me...i want to find someone to talk to...but i just cant find anyone now...once i think of it,tears just slowly drop down...help me...cheer me up...

tired but happy...

2007-11-29T23:33:00.000+08:00

without realising i have been spending time really well...going places,here and there...although tired,i am really enjoying every minute of life now...spending time with the people i want and appreciate...for the next few days i have to really work hard and after that i will be heading for a short vacation that i craved for a while...there is still something lacking though...i hope i will have it one day...but so far so good...everything is looking fine and great...just want to enjoy life! =D

finally i found out that...its your smile that would cheer me up and make me happy...its your smile that can make me a better person...

a small dream...

2007-11-25T00:24:00.000+08:00

my mind kept wandering off...to things i really want to do and really hope i can accomplish one day...its some sort of a dream of achievements...things that i cant accomplish or do at this moment of my life due to a lot of reasons...most important one is the place i am stuck in...i mean Klang...its about sports actually...there's a will in me that wants to join competitions and win something...i dont know what but just something...to achieve something...what to say?the facilities aint good...argh...lazy to explain...all i know is i will try to do it when i am in aus next time...tennis,football...anything that i think i am good at...along the way in secondary school,tennis was the sport that i hit top form and basically can be the district champion easily but i dint have luck and dint get to join competitions when i want to...hm...how i know i can be the district champion easily?lol...first of all,i was under the recommendation directly from my personal coach and after the competition ended,one of my junior which train under the same coach as me won it...well that was junior category...my coach told me it was an easy job and if i win it,i will be able to train with other players for the Negeri Sembilan team and fight to represent the state...finally the chance came during form 5...i had an offer to play for the school as the leading player...i was form 4 when i really wanted to play for school...guess what...i rejected the offer...SPM is coming and i dint trained for quite a while so no point...i kinda stop training after i was denied to play for school by some idiot teacher in charge which has his son as the leading player back then...after rejecting the offer,i was criticized by the new teacher in charge but i dint care...since then, i kinda give up on all this achievements...during primary school,something similar happened but back then it was badminton...lol...but that's fine...too long ago...until recently,i get this feeling again to achieve things...this time its futsal...i always wanted to join a futsal competition and once again no luck...i felt that i have improved a lot since the first day i played futsal in Klang...totally different...till one day,i finally felt the atmosphere of a competition...the prom pre-event human foosball competition...our team was in the finals...i cant believe it...its a small event but the cheering was superb...that moment to me was really a very memorable one...i loved that atmosphere a lot...people cheering on...the pressure is there but i loved it! i just hope i have the chance to be in this situation again...although we dint win but i was 100% satisfied...a small little dream of mine -_-

trip confirmed...

2007-11-23T21:30:00.000+08:00

done deal! XD ticket has been bought but neither the tickets below were bought...lol...i was supposed to buy the China Airlines one but then after reading the payment rules...me and my dad was like WTF? lol...the rules stated is that the credit card used to pay the air tickets must be shown at the check-in counter and the card holder also must be one of the passenger of the plane...goodness...it means that the card holder would also need to travel along...luckily we read it before we place our booking...after that,my dad asked me to look for Cathay Pacific Airways and luckily there was a ticket around the same price as China Airlines...lol...i just had luck on my side this time...last few seats in the plane and what more,window seat! LOL! yay! but the date differs from the date listed in the previous post...changed to one day earlier...now i have to study study and study and pass my supp!

Cathay Pacific Airways

Going Out
Kuala Lumpur LCCT(KUL) to Hong Kong (HKG)
06 Dec 2007 CX724
Departs 1755 Arrives 2140

Coming Back
Hong Kong (HKG) to Kuala Lumpur LCCT(KUL)
13 Dec 2007 CX725
Departs 1240 Arrives 1630

Coming Back: Macau(MFM) to Kuala Lumpur LCCT(KUL); Arrive KUL 11:35 PM 12/14/07

Coming Back Total 526.99 MYR: 1 Guest @ 385.99 385.99 MYR; Airport Tax 50.00 MYR; Administration Fee 21.00 MYR; Fuel Surcharge 70.00 MYR
Services and Fees 0.00 MYR
Services and Fees 0.00 MYR

Total Package Price

1447 MYR

WOOT? HK trip 90% confirmed! XD

2007-11-22T22:01:00.000+08:00

yeah...the green light is there already...green light by my grandma and my mom...the two most important figure in my family if i want to go for holidays...lol...the final decision is with me...i hope i can buy my air ticket as soon as possible then i can sit down and focus on my supp...yeah...hell yeah! finally i get to go somewhere far by myself except australia...i want to thank my grandma so much because this trip will be almost fully sponsored by her T_T my parents are going to Phuket at the same time but i dint want to go to Phuket as i wont be enjoying it...lol...checked airasia and my dad called me to check other airlines also...hopefully i can get one of this air ticket...hope i will buy the airticket tomorrow...yes...i will...just confirmed =X my dad suggest that i take the one straight to HK cause he said it will be very troublesome on the return trip cause need to rush from HK to Macau and the fares for the ferry to Macau will also sum up to almost the same amount...lol...i hope i dont miss anything in Macau! XD

AirAsia

Going Out
Kuala Lumpur LCCT(KUL) to Macau(MFM)
07 Dec 2007 AK 52
Departs 1535 Arrives 1920
Going Out: Kuala Lumpur LCCT(KUL) to Macau(MFM); Arrive MFM 7:20 PM 12/07/07

Coming Back
Macau(MFM) to Kuala Lumpur LCCT(KUL)
14 Dec 2007 AK 53
Departs 1950 Arrives 2335

Coming Back: Macau(MFM) to Kuala Lumpur LCCT(KUL); Arrive KUL 11:35 PM 12/14/07

Going Out Total 445.99 MYR: 1 Guest @ 329.99 329.99 MYR; Airport Tax 25.00 MYR; Administration Fee 21.00 MYR; Fuel Surcharge 70.00 MYR
Coming Back Total 526.99 MYR: 1 Guest @ 385.99 385.99 MYR; Airport Tax 50.00 MYR; Administration Fee 21.00 MYR; Fuel Surcharge 70.00 MYR
Services and Fees 0.00 MYR
Services and Fees 0.00 MYR

Total Package Price

972.98 MYR

China Airlines

Going Out: Kuala Lumpur LCCT(KUL) to Macau(MFM); Arrive MFM 7:20 PM 12/07/07

Going Out
Kuala Lumpur LCCT(KUL) to Hong Kong (HKG)
07 Dec 2007
Departs 0800 Arrives 1150

Coming Back
Hong Kong (HKG) to Kuala Lumpur LCCT(KUL)
14 Dec 2007
Departs 1810 Arrives 2155

Coming Back: Macau(MFM) to Kuala Lumpur LCCT(KUL); Arrive KUL 11:35 PM 12/14/07

Coming Back Total 526.99 MYR: 1 Guest @ 385.99 385.99 MYR; Airport Tax 50.00 MYR; Administration Fee 21.00 MYR; Fuel Surcharge 70.00 MYR
Services and Fees 0.00 MYR
Services and Fees 0.00 MYR

Total Package Price

1397 MYR

shit...

2007-11-22T14:08:00.000+08:00

OMFG lar...tomorrow i have to go back to klang again...damn sien already lar...keep going back...my dad call me to follow him to klang to settle the apartment once and for all...very lazy lar...wth....feel like vomiting blood when i think of going back to that apartment again...dirty dusty dirty...what more...i have been staying there for three years already...sien of it...filled with some memories that i want to forget...must i go back again? -_- very reluctant...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

bibubibubibu...

2007-11-20T20:31:00.000+08:00

sound so childish and wu liao...wtf...yea...i am damn bored...my day is all about sleeping,eating,studying and slacking...have to go to college tomorrow morning at 9.30am for tutorial which also means that i have to leave Seremban at 7.30-8am in the morning! XD i hope i wont be late...lol...m&i...m&i...m&i....haih...let's see what i remember...hm...sulphamethoxazole+trimethoprim...metronidazole....penicillin....cephalosporins...tetracyclines....yeah...wtf...long way to go...aih...its only prof geh's part somemore -_-

another old song that i like...

2007-11-19T17:25:00.000+08:00

解脱

爱永远都是难题
失去分寸太容易
谁都是凡人不够小心翼翼
有时候忘了珍惜
伤害来的太无意
有时爱太急需要空间呼吸
争吵愈狠痛愈深刻
然后不断自责
我们都忘了最初的快乐
拥抱越紧痛愈深刻
谁不会舍不得
现在我给的或许并不是你要的
如果分离是唯一的解脱最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过遗憾让我来过
就算过去的回忆太脆弱连未来也没有我
爱着你仍是我的执着
让你哭泣对不起为了爱承受委屈
说过的承诺其实还没忘记
愈是在乎的关系愈是相处不容易
伤害了你我也失去勇气
争吵愈狠痛愈深刻然后不断自责
我们都忘了最初的快乐
拥抱越紧痛愈深刻
谁不会舍不得
现在我给的或许并不是你要的
如果分离是唯一的解脱最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过遗憾让我来过
就算过去的回忆太脆弱连未来也没有我
爱着你仍是我的执着
走到感情关键时候却握不住你的手
还能有什么藉口让爱再回头
多少的爱说不出口
就让时间帮我说话我一个人拼命挣扎
总比两个人一起难过还好吧
如果分离是唯一的解脱最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过遗憾让我来过
就算过去的回忆太脆弱连未来也没有我
爱着你仍是我的执着
爱着你唯一的解脱

raining season...

2007-11-19T15:10:00.000+08:00

argh! stupid weather...just make me wanna sleep...sometimes its just too hot...when its about to rain,i cant stand it...i sleep at 12am everyday...wake up at 11am every morning...after lunch,sleep back again at 1-2pm and wake up at 3pm again...wtf...haih...i wanna study! ROAR!

things i wanna do...

2007-11-18T16:22:00.001+08:00

argh! there are a few things i wanna do badly! i wanna do piercing on my ears,i wanna do tattoo and i wanna dye my hair...but i just cant...my parents wont let me T_T aih...i only can wait until when i am going to aus,i will get everything done! wahahaha! beware! damn boring...need to study!

finally done!

2007-11-17T21:50:00.000+08:00

just back from Klang and Cyberjaya...its been a busy day today...lol...finally settled my klang apartment...shifted everything to juniors house and shifted some home...haha...no need to think about it anymore...yeah! me and noob bro spent about 5 hours to finish shifting everything...damn tiring...haha...well not that tiring actually but i could not imagine me myself shifting everything all alone...i will die! thanks noob bro...haha...went and cut hair again in scissors 2...the hair sytlist,Kimberly gave me a new hairstyle...not bad...i kinda like it...lol...not bad lar! can change hairstyle every one or two months now! XD

happy birthday to you!!!

2007-11-15T17:22:00.000+08:00

since i am so free...i decided to give an early birthday wish to Miss Goh Siow Cherng! her birthday is tomorrow which is 16/11/1987...erm...she is someone k...dont play play...she is my lab partner...and...er...other than that,i dont know...hahaha! just joking...lol...she helped me alot in studies i can say...throughout this two years and a lot more...lazy want to mention everything...here are some pictures of her! too bad no lab picture...

lan-si face weh! i finally found an ugly pic of you! wahaha! this was first semester...

when i just got to know her in first semester...yea...we both are in Group A...this was CIH presentation back then...

time passed by so fast huh? this was taken last year during her birthday...

taken during yk's birthday celebration...

taken during make-up session before the prom...

taken during Industry Visit...

taken during Mooncake Festival Celebration...she gave me a surprise...she just dyed her hair at that time...lala mui! LOL!

Happy birthday again! may all your wishes come true!

dont miss me when i am gone...take care of yourself in aus ay! XD

oh wtf...

2007-11-15T01:56:00.000+08:00

totally mood-less...dont know wtf is happening to me...dont have the heart to do anything...cant focus and concentrate...it was a shock...why today...why now...its already over and i dont want to think of it anymore...i am definitely not thinking about it...i think what is bothering me is not this but another thing...damn...its getting serious...complicated shit...

here i go again...

2007-11-14T19:22:00.000+08:00

my beloved Microbiology & Immunology...its time to start studying...two weeks of studying and i am done...then i will be thinking whether a not to take the trip...well...let's study first and think about that later...

awkward...

2007-11-13T22:45:00.000+08:00

the full results is out...i knew that i passed the other 3 subjects already but i went to double check...once i open i saw a F1...i felt very awkward...its like something pierced through my heart...from then on,i dint really have the mood...i am glad that everyone around me that i asked has got through the final obstacle...now you guys can relax and chill and prepare for your sweet departure to Adelaide...congrats everyone...for me...i dont know what to say...i know i am going to fail but failing twice in a row just hurts ay...i will be fine...

2007-11-13T19:13:00.000+08:00

i feel ok but its another failure...failure is a failure there is no denial about it...i think my parents are disappointed but they dint show it to me...dont know why i so emo...not really emo...but i locked up myself in my room...i dint on the lights and dint do anything...just lie down on the bed...thinking and thinking...

another failure T_T

2007-11-13T18:22:00.000+08:00

bad things dont happen alone...it usually happens a few times at once...lol...i dont know what am i crapping...ok...first of all...heavy rain,big lightning and the house went blackout...ok fine...i went out to switch on the main switch again...walk in to my room and check out my computer...just i was checking another big lightning strike again...the house went blackout again without me realising...too fast...ok fine...i quickly pulled out the plugs of my two computers...i was afraid one of my computer is damaged so i checked it out a bit...i pulled out all the wires or cables connecting to my comp...suddenly another big lightning striked and the cable that i was holding had a light spark...yea...i got 'sot'...it was a moment of pain that is all...after the rain and lightning toned down...i on-ed back the main switch again...checked my comps again...this time using internet and i found out the internet aint working...so i started testing testing and testing..checking what is the main problem...cable,network card,modem or router...finally conclude that my router was toasted by the lightning and yes the cable i was holding back then was a LAN cable...HOW THE FUCK CAN A LAN CABLE DO THAT? i was wondering...furthermore i pulled out the main plug already...maybe because the telephone line was still in tact...i dont know...ok...i msged my noob bro asking about the warranty of the router...then he said it is claimable...i am thinking whether i still have the stupid resit...haih...i dont even have the box also...i am so dead...the router cost me around rm300+ back then...its a damn good router...hope i can find the resit this friday lar...once i put down the phone,a call came...an unkown number...picked it up...it was Pn Aini...ok...i knew i'm fucked...all i asked her was..."a F2 ar?" then she replied you can take supp...ok...that means F1...lol...i told my parents straight...i think i feel fine about the results...Pn Aini told me that i passed all the other subjects...back then Pn Aini and Pn Zali said they would kill whoever that failed m&i...i guess i am the first on the list...wahaha...Pn Aini told me that the full results would be out tomorrow...good luck to everyone =D

not rested...

2007-11-12T18:38:00.001+08:00

i know its holidays...i'm supposed to get more rest than usual...i dont know why...i'm not at peace...my head and brain is still working constantly...there are things unaccomplished yet...there are things i havent finish settling yet...i dont know why...i know its nothing big but it is just in my head...i kept thinking of it...how to settle it in the perfect way...i dont know what happened...i dont know why am i so worked up...maybe because...i was left alone to face,do and settle this matter...i aint a superman or anything special...there are really alot of things in my head now...my klang apartment...unsettled bills and etc...i just cant relax...not until i settle my klang stuff...just wish that someone could give me a hand...someone could be beside me to listen what am i thinking...what am i planning to do...haih...i am really stressed up...i think bills is the biggest problem for me now...MONEY is the problem...i am kinda broke for now...should i go for the HK trip?from the bottom of my heart,i really want to go but i just cant let myself think of it yet before i settle all this stuff...results too...when will results be out?i am scared of spending more money as i fear that my results wont be good...i dont know why...i always prepare for the worst...that's me...i prepare...

Luna Bar 6/11/07 11:59:59PM

2007-11-11T11:07:00.001+08:00

i spent my last few minutes in Luna Bar with Rachel, TJ, Hui Chiao, Yvonne and Tau Lee...sound like i am going to die huh? haha! last few minutes before i become 20! it was a last minute plan though but i was really very happy...when we reached Luna,we get to enter some sort of a VIP place to wait as an event just ended there...the staff were busy packing so we were allowed to enter this place that all of us never entered before...trust me,its total class...the people chilling or eating inside are also class...looking at them and the way they dress,makes me feel so...CACATED! LOL! after that, we moved out to the usual place...guess what?we get those windows seat! WOOT! haha...too bad...the staff told us that it cant fit 6 people...we started to emo a bit...then there was one staff offering me a seat upstairs...he said its a big sofa then i told him,i will have a look first...if not satisfied i will stick with the window seat...when i went up,i was like WTF?haha...the seats are getting better and better...one big sofa and its windows view too! of course we swapped places lar! kakaka! thanks alot guys! it was really a memorable one! presenting you some pictures from that night...

Luna Bar

Cristallo (the some sort of VIP place...its a part of Luna)

Inside Cristallo

after moving outside,the cam-whoring begins! here goes...

the aunties! TJ, Rachel, Yvonne and Hui Chiao

of course i am in it...lol...

ARGH! kasi makan tu CORN!

TJ & me

me & Tau Lee

dont look at the girls...look at the big sofa i'm talking about...that is not even half of it -_- imagine how big it is...

Group picture!

this two were trying to be emo or trying to be gan xing...

let me show you what is PRO-ness in emo and gan xing! wahahha!

SOMEONE said...blur-ness brings some romantic-ness....LOL...slowly guess who is that someone...

Yvonne & me

Tau Lee & me

er...BROKE BACK MOUNTAIN! GAY SHIT! LOL!

we were forced to do this...T_T

the girls trying to show their yeng-ness

let us teach them what is YENG-ness!

here comes the cake...
make a wish...make a wish...why smile until so geng?

candle blowing...

HYPER! secret recipe cakes!

kena from TJ for guessing wrongly which two cakes that she bought...

makan makan! Choc banana, choc indulgence, Mango, Oreo Cheesecake!

before going back! next day...IPOH TRIP!

back home...

2007-11-10T17:08:00.000+08:00

finally reached home after the Ipoh trip...the trip was awesome...i really enjoyed myself to the max...i felt tired in the end...for the last few days i felt so semangat till today...i hope everyone else also enjoyed the trip...thanks everyone for celebrating my birthday for me in Ipoh...it was really a surprise...it will definitely be one of the best birthday celebrations that i ever had...i will try to get the pictures ASAP and post some here...lol...

gone...

2007-11-06T03:00:00.000+08:00

lol...i wont be home for the next four to five days again...dont expect this blog to be updated until next week...hahaha...going to Ipoh on wednesday...Gua Tempurung and water rafting...WOOT! cant wait...adventurous stuff is what i like...no challenge no fun...no pain no fun! XD impossible is nothing! till then...chao...remember to wish me happy birthday ya...WAHAHHA! just jk...lol...see ya...

bad sleep -_-

2007-11-05T12:33:00.000+08:00

i dont know what is wrong...i just cant sleep well at home...maybe not used to the bed...i miss my Klang bed and my pillows! my bed is special! i am waking up earlier than when there are classes...WTF -_- damn sien lar...basically just waiting for time to pass again...this time,it will be a long one...3 months of holiday is too long for people like me -_- haha...i have two comps now in my room...lol...guess what...the third one is coming soon...LOL! my dad is bringing back his comp from his office too...lol...the only thing i cant wait is his 17inch TFT monitor! *evil grins* kakaka...one of the comp now is in charge of downloading stuff...lol...the another one for chating and stuff...haha...

one on the table & one on the bed...one black & one white...LOL!

home sweet home...

2007-11-04T21:32:00.000+08:00

i'm home again...lol...i will be leaving home again on tuesday! LOL! need to go to Klang or somewhere else to overnight as we will be leaving for Ipoh early morning...i wanted to drive to Ipoh but my dad wont let me to but its ok because for the last few days,they gave me freedom with the car...lol...i guess its been a mad few days =X haha...i am really satisfied with everything i have now...i am really appreciating them so much now...i felt that i left out a lot of my friends when i'm in a relationship...its time to pay back...i want to spend more time with my friends before they leave...in terms of relationship...hm...i guess there's nothing i can say about it anymore...i will just let it be and i wont force anything anymore in my life....lol...now,there is always something holding me back...the question..."i can go all out but in the end,will i get disappointed just like the last time?" this question has been holding me back a lot...helping me in gaining my consciousness that i am not allowed and i cant afford to fall another time...only me myself know what i am capable of and know what i can do...i think there is no one that is clearer than me myself...

emo-ed

2007-11-03T17:40:00.001+08:00

haih...i overdosed myself with emo songs...yea...jay chow and ah du's new album are filled with emo songs...being alone for the whole day now...just waiting for the minute to pass by...i dont know why...time pass by so slowly today...i really dont know what should i do now! i am facing a dead end now...its like i'm waiting for something that wont come...someone please help me...

Paintball 01/11/07

2007-11-03T14:38:00.000+08:00

i really had great fun...RM50 for it and i think its worth it...here are some pictures...

the paintball place...i dont know what is the name of the place -_- its in Subang Jaya but i know the way now...

the weapons...M16 for counter terrorist & AK47 for terrorist! its called the marker...lol...

the ammo...PAINTBALLS! this cute little round things can break your teeth and cause serious bruises...dont play play...

Team Alpha (Terrorist)

Team Beta (Counter-terrorist)

who said terrorist cant be friends with counter-terrorist?you will never know...

kan mun, beng beng, yi keat & me

the actions! going to war! only the guys are visible...LOL! i dont know why -_-

vital points...HEAD SHOT & HEART

extra ammos were then used at the shooting range...

the people who went for paintball and really had great fun! WOOT!

Midvalley & Garden 02/11/07

2007-11-03T13:31:00.001+08:00

dint take much pictures here...we had lunch in Chilis...

inside Chilis

sc, me & tj (outside of Chilis)

sc, me & tl (inside Garden)

i emo-ed there as well T_T i found a stool and just sat there! LOL!

Maison 01/11/07

2007-11-03T13:02:00.000+08:00

a peak preview of the night in Maison...i was not permitted to release some limited edition pictures...

before the night begins *all smiles* lol!

me & rachel

me & alec

tj & me

OMG! we are tagged! T_T like drug addicts showing their wrist waiting for drug to be administered...LOL!

after the night ended -_-

i am not high k...i purposely do one...look so real right? ^^

too bad i dont know how to drift...aih...its an automatic car somemore -_- i want to learn drifting! ROAR!

周杰倫 - 我很忙

2007-11-03T12:14:00.000+08:00

jay chow's new album is out...just putting a few songs up...others are quite nice also...

青花瓷

彩虹

蒲公英的約定

最長的電影

我不配

busy busy busy

2007-11-03T02:18:00.000+08:00

busy what?lol...since yesterday i have been going out non stop...lol...reached home yesterday at 5am...today there is improvement...i reach home at 2am...lol...holidays mar...its suppose to be this way...went to a few places...haha...sorry...i dont have any pics in hand to share with you all yet...haha...dint have much time to blog also...usually when reach home,i will be dead tired...haha...i will upload some pictures soon if i get them...shall say in brief where i went today and yesterday...went to paintball yesterday in the morning...night went to Maison...which i reach home at 5am...woke up 1pm today and decided to go midvalley with tj,sc,tau lee and meet up with nub bro there...haha...went to ate at Chilis then have a look at the new Garden...i like Garden but i havent been to Pavillion or Pyramid 2 yet...but i seriously like the design of Garden...after that,came back to klang for a while and went for yam cha session at Sri Petaling...lol...dint go there for quite long liow...2 years liow i think...haha...met some people that i wanted to meet for quite long...oh yea...when walking in Garden,i realised that there is so many things i want to buy! argh...no money! me and nub bro were looking at watches...haha...then i made a joke out of it as my birthday is coming (not hinting k,i was seriously joking) i told tj "eh...my birthday coming right?my hand looks empty...aih...how ar?" LOL! the salesgirl heard what i said and she laughed! LMAO! 3 more days huh? kinda excited about this year...i dont know why...i felt this year it will be better compared to the last few years...i hope i can celebrate this time with the person i want...that would be a dream come true...i always fail to celebrate my birthday with the person i want...its been years now...its ok...its improving every year...just appreciating time with you guys...lol...i start to crap and joke around a lot this days...haha...hope my jokes arent lame =p

PAINTBALL OWNAGE!

2007-11-01T18:07:00.000+08:00

WOOOT! YEAH! IT ROCKS TO THE MAX MAN! TOTAL OWNAGE! too bad i forgot to buy the smoke grenade as intended! ROAR! its nice and damn gan cheong...haahah...got a feel of counter strike...dont play play man...GO GO GO! LOL! CHIONG AR! headshot! its damn nice lar...haha...once again teamwork is important! COVER ME! the phrase i constantly shouting! lol...my counter strike team consist of me,lionel,andrew,ming wei,ronald,beng beng,sang leng,yvonne and caryn...we win all the matches weh! damn happy! haha...its not about the victory...its really fun! better get some rest...i need to go out soon again...just finish washing my shoe and bathing...basically my shoe turn pink from white -_- NOOOOOOOOOOOOO my dearest shoe T_T i hope i will find a way to remove the PINK colour soon...lol...my shoe is damn gay now...lol...

weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

2007-11-01T08:38:00.000+08:00

today! i think it will be a full day outing! wahahaha! fun fun fun! PAINTBALL! time to get some headshots *evil grin* just jk! lol! as if i that pro -_- dont kena head shot then can liow...lol...i can foresee myself in bruises when i come back from paintball! wahahah! who cares! as long as there is fun,pain does not matter! downloads downloads downloads...full of downloads now...for who? definitely not myself -_-

i'm crazy...

2007-10-31T16:50:00.000+08:00

you can say me that because i will be back in klang in few more hours time...yes...i just reached home yesterday evening...lol...what to do...i have to rush back to do the MCBT reports...i just found that microsoft office 2003 in my comp cant write equations...haih...good also lar...go back today then tomorrow morning no need to rush for paintball...

God...are you giving me a sign?i hope so...

back home...

2007-10-30T19:07:00.001+08:00

everytime i come home,there is always something that make me basically no mood...this time its the same as last time...i dint feel home at all...its like no one wants me to be home...i called my dad to tell him that i am going to reach seremban bus station soon cause he the one who called me to call him when i am almost reaching...then dont know what happen or what he told my mom...no one was there at the bus station to pick me up when i reach...i dont like to wait...i mean this type of waiting when i already called to avoid it...my mom called me and told me she is still at home and asked me where am i...that time i was so damn pissed...AGAIN?! then i just straight told my mom i will take taxi home and put down the call...sien lar...always also like that...compared to last time when my third sister is here...its totally different...haih...i dont want to compare lar...i have to take bus home from klang every time...if you count the fares,for one trip back to seremban...its almost RM50! taxi to klang bus station RM10,bus ticket to seremban RM6.50,taxi to home RM8....whole thing times two...whose gonna pay for that extra money?i have been eating so damn a lot this few weeks...i rarely spend money on other stuff...i spent it all on food...they just wont understand lar...

on the bus,my head was filled with thoughts...as i look out of the window,i was slowly thinking and my mind is slowly flying away...i was looking at nothing specific...thoughts of everything that had happened...thoughts of what to do next...no matter what i think,its all related to you...i dont know why...its just like that...i just cant get you out of my head at all this few days...i hope i am able to talk to you soon...

ok,reached home...walked into my room straight,when i walk pass the living hall,i was wondering where was my niece and there she was sleeping on a big pillow there...lol...lied down on my bed and chill a bit...after that ate dinner...half way eating my dinner,my niece woke up and cried...erm...she was looking for her mom...lol...she kept calling 'mama!mama!' then cried...my sister went for seminar in kl and will be back later...but then its been a long time that i heard cries from a baby which is looking for her/his mother...

crazy day...

2007-10-30T02:46:00.000+08:00

lol...i just came back from futsal only...yeah...must be wondering...futsal so early in the morning?LOL! we played from 12am-2am...finally the end of the day is here...it was a day filled with activities and fun...lol...went to the farewell party organised by the juniors from 1.30pm till 6pm -_- after that went home and get ready to go out for dinner already...we had dinner at Victoria Station! WOOT! a place that i wanted to go for quite some time liow...finally get to eat there...the food is nice...100% satisfied...the escargots are just superb...even better than the escargots served at The Ship...i had char boiled ribeye steak and a plate of brownies...we also had red wine! LOL! *drools* after dinner,we rushed back to klang for futsal...futsal was superb once again...i was glad that i dint lose my stamina as much as i thought i would...its still there...was satisfied with the last day of futsal together with the gang...created some good goals and scored some good goals...overall,happy again...lol...means i dint have any rest at all since yesterday...its almost time to sleep for me but there is still something in my mind...i dont know what i want...i dint have time to think of it yet...maybe its time to think detailedly about things...

the end is finally here...

2007-10-28T12:18:00.001+08:00

the last day of semester 4 is finally here...i spent some time thinking about it...i must admit...i dont feel good at all...i have to say goodbye to so many people...haih...i wont be able to meet some of you guys anymore till who knows when...i wont be able to see those smiling and happy faces that would cheer me up everyday in college anymore...i have tried my very best this semester in being a good friend...i hope i left a good image and memory in you guys...i will definitely miss you guys...one last paper and we are free...i just cant stop thinking about the fact that i may not see you anymore...haih...what should i do?i need guidance...i dont know what to do...i hope God will give me some guidance in my dream tonight...

nice song...

2007-10-28T00:05:00.002+08:00

差一点

差一点你就是我的女人
差一些手牵手的完整
却在对的时间错过对的人
抓不住幸福时分
遇上了错的人渐渐的吻在她无心的嘴唇
感觉像一个旅程走完了就分
错过了对的人,决定就只在那一秒那一分
爱情的岔口,你是我等不到的路人

差一点你就是我的女人
差一些就和你共度一生
因为对的时间对的人
就值得我为你奋不顾身

差一点你就是我的女人
差一些手牵手的完整
却在对的时间错过对的人
抓不住幸福时分

错过了对的人决定就只在那一秒那一分
如果没缘分
我也会固执的为你一人

差一点你就是我的女人
差一些就和你共度一生
因为对的时间对的人
就值得我为你奋不顾身

差一点你就是我的女人
差一些手牵手的完整
却在对的时间错过对的人
抓不住幸福时分

2007-10-27T22:03:00.000+08:00

我忍不足了！
我要爆炸了!
我不要再骗我自己了!
爱一个人不是将的!
为什么就要偏偏将!
我是很想跟你讲话的!
当跟你讲话的时候,我会有一个不同的感觉...
我没试过有将特别的感觉...
而且,我没有试过这样的开心过...
那开心是根本不一样的...
是真真的从心里深深的笑出来的...
谁都想感到被爱,我也是其中一个...
我很失败...
我没好好的珍惜...
做错了一次就没机会转回头了...
对不起,请原谅我...

untitled...

2007-10-27T21:01:00.000+08:00

my eldest sister and her daughter came back from aus yesterday...today they brought my niece to the zoo and came to klang to find me for dinner...lol...yes...i am already an uncle...uncle cm -_- but she calls me QQ...at the beginning,she was scared of me...she dint remember me cause i only saw her and took care of her when she is less than one year old...its more than one and the half year ago...i know its kinda impossible for her to recognize me as i dont appear often on webcam when my family has a video conversation with my sister when they are in aus...for those who dont know her name,her name is emily...she is very cute...after a while,she started playing with me...she let me carry her too...for dinner,we went to Boston but we were too early...so we headed to Kamdar to have a walk...in Kamdar,my niece was busy playing with me...running here running there as i follow her from behind...the more i follow,the faster she walks and run...haha...when one of my sister or my dad say 'bye bye' then she quickly turns back and start making noise afraid that we would leave her behind...HOW COULD WE?she is the princess of the family now...haha...i love kids...erm...maybe not the super-duper naughty ones...before dinner,we were yam cha-ing at Station 1...i was chit chating with my two sisters...my eldester sister and my 2nd sister...quite long dint talk to them liow...we kinda discussed about how people can change suddenly to another person and what more,our close relatives...i was like WTF?aih...nevermind...since my 2nd sister which has the same characteristic and attitude with me can bare with it,so i assume i have to bare with it too...just by hearing my 2nd sister say about my relative,i was already so pissed...nevermind that,i will just ignore it...here are some pictures of my niece today...

isnt she cute?lol! i know she look ganas when she dont smile...same as me! XD she was choosing a doll to buy...haha...my mom bought one for her...lol...the doll has music but you have to turn the thing(something like a screw,those thing behind a doll one) in order for the music to play...half way walking with the doll,the music stopped...she looked at me and said "more!" she tried turning the thing herself but cant so she came to me for help...haha!so sweet to see her walking while holding the doll so happily...

i managed to take one picture of her smiling...she's a pretty girl!

she was busy playing with me and my 2nd sister in Kamdar...she has an attitude too...haha...she simply whack people sometimes...really ganas one ler!dont play play!

2007-10-26T18:03:00.000+08:00

终于可以松一口气了。。。
可以给自己一天的时间轻松一下和好好的休息。。。
可以给自己一点的时间去想想现在不应该想的东西。。。
就那短短的几天和星期以令我时时刻刻都在想你。。。
你可以看到你对我是多么的特别和重要吗？
已经过去了几个月，但你的影像常常都在我头里重演。。。
一次了又一次，我哪有可能忘得记你。。。
我不想再继续自己骗自己了。。。
哎。。。

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

2007-10-25T19:53:00.000+08:00

just felt like shouting...i need a break...time passed by so fast today...time is always the limiting factor nowadays...time time time...every minute counts...just that i have been ignoring it and taking my own sweet time...haih...that's just me...the deadline is there to be seen but i still dont take it seriously...i dont know what is this called...is this called relax and steady?everything i studied is half half...i am not absolutely sure that i know it...just wish that someone could be beside me supporting me 100%...telling me that i am doing well...that i'm always improving...that i can do it...sometimes i just wish that i could hear those words coming out from a special person...i have been pushing myself very very hard but that does not mean that i am definitely moving forward...the day i am looking to is coming nearer...i just hope i wont get disappointed...

2007-10-25T00:12:00.000+08:00

为何永远放不下。。。
能放下又怎样？
会更开心吗？
过后的日子会过得更好吗？
每一个人都一样，
要失去了过后才会珍惜。。。
但又太迟了。。。
已没机会去珍惜。。。
只能自己怪自己。。。
只能想自己做错了什么。。。
只能去改进自己，
改变自己。。。
心还是在想那个人。。。
但想有如何。。。
最后，什么都不能做。。。
只能白白的看着它过。。。

upcoming paper: MCBT

2007-10-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

MCBT = Molecular & Chemical Basis of Therapeutics -_- who cares...lol...the funny part is here...i created one special name for it quite long ago...quite vulgar...MCBT = M C B 他! LOL~! dont ask me what is M C B...maybe ask someone else! haha...ok lar...better chao go study liow...dint study much today...have been slacking for the whole day...

Sorry,Blame it on me

2007-10-24T18:34:00.000+08:00

this song suits me...
As life goes on I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility and I realize that everything I do is affecting the people around me.So I want to take this time out to apologize for things that I've done and things that haven't occurred yet and things that they don't want to take responsibility for...

haih...

2007-10-24T15:24:00.000+08:00

好人。。。being a good person is not always good...

a song by patrick tam...i think its title is si mian qing ge...

P&B was quite bad...haih...did too many careless mistake...when i walked out of the exam hall,i was blank and blur...i really dont know where and what to think...after that when it sunk in,i realised that i did alot of silly mistakes...sucks...i dont really know whether i can pass this paper a not...maybe border...really not sure...this morning i woke up from a dream that is absolutely perfect for me...this is the first time,i dint want to wake up from a dream...really a perfect dream...too bad...its gone now...

one word: STRESS

2007-10-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

one person using a table that should fit four person...i underestimated P&B -_-

let go & move on

2007-10-22T23:44:00.001+08:00

dont think of the paper anymore...no matter how any of you did it...its now over....you cant do anything about it anymore but just to accept it...just focus and concentrate on the next paper...no point crying over spilled milk...i know a good start is important but there is not always a perfect start...if there is no perfect start then no point continuing the effort anymore? please dont give up too fast...you will never know what are your results...you will never know what kind of ending it would be...so cheer up and keep going! falling down is the nature of human but learning to stand up from it is also part of it...be more positive =D

1 down 3 more to go...

2007-10-22T20:35:00.000+08:00

the moment i stepped out of the exam hall...i was relieved that the feeling aint the same from the feeling i had last semester...i was satisfied and happy...i was all smiles...what could i say...i think it went quite well...i am not a scorer...just a passer...i felt comfortable with how i answered the question...it was a good start...now,i just need to end it the same way...before i went in to the exam hall this morning,i was sitting down on the floor...i was not reading anything while my other classmates were...i was getting a little nervous back then and i only had 4 hours of sleep due to my sweet insomnia...i just looked at the floor breathing deeply telling myself to focus and concentrate...once the paper started,i settled down...enough of that now...i still have three papers more to go...i still have tonnes of work and exercise to do...somehow,the confidence is back...i am ready...i am able to focus and concentrate...i hope it continues for the next few days until finals end...there is something i wanted to shout after coming out of the exam hall...here it goes...

HELL YEAH! I AM BACK!

*i was pumping my fist with joy back then*

failing to fall asleep again...

2007-10-22T02:58:00.000+08:00

wonder what is wrong with me...i just cant fall alseep...its 3am now...i have pharmaceutics paper at 9.30am...just dont feel right...having headaches...something wrong with my throat...i dont know what to do...i want to sleep badly but i just cant...its funny...there was this few weeks that i really cant sleep at all...really having insomnia at that time...after that,i had few weeks of good sleep...now,i am suffering from it again -_- i dont think i need sleeping pills...i am too young for that...lol...i may just overdose myself with it too...everyone should be sleeping right now and i am the one here awake thinking how to sleep...zzz...once failing to fall asleep,things will start coming into my mind...a lot of unimportant stuff...is this a symptom of stress? i really dont know...i can sleep in the afternoon but not at night...

its here...

2007-10-21T23:01:00.000+08:00

tomorrow is the beginning of the final battle...i am kinda nervous...scared that i would panic and forget everything that i studied for the past few weeks...nevertheless,the fire is now burning...now,its up to me to keep in burning...its up to me to make the fire to burn stronger and brighter...let's all get through this final battle safe and sound...leave no one behind...i know i'm already left behind but i dont want and dont hope to see anyone left behind like me...the feeling aint nice...i dont want people around me to go through what i had gone through...i dont wan to see people down and sad...i hope i have done what i can as a friend to you guys...that is why,i had been quite supportive when one of you guys are down...cheer up no matter what =D good luck and all the best to everyone...including me...time to prove the doubters wrong...time to show what you guys are capable of...time to repay the faiths that people have in you guys...there are so much things i have to do in this final battle...i just have to prove myself...yes...i am stress and i shall keep that to myself...i found a way to counter it temporarily...i assume after this,i wont use that way anymore...i definitely will not...see you guys tomorrow...

oh fuck...

2007-10-21T17:28:00.000+08:00

i felt like slapping myself...i overslept...i suppose to sleep half an hour only and i only found myself awake after one and the half hour of great sleep...after waking up,only i realised that i set my alarm wrongly...wtf...i set it to be at 4am...its supposed to be 4pm! wah...gao lat lor...suddenly feel so guilty and stress -_- feel like dying...aaahhhhhhhh

boring!

2007-10-20T22:24:00.000+08:00

after hours of studying,its time to sit down and relax and chill...haha...too bored!seriously finding for people to chat with! argh...so i came to my blog and crap a bit...LOL! this is a joker post...BEWARE! i shall get some scolding! XD

my notes and past year papers scattered everywhere...wait a minute...why is it on the floor?

here's the culprit...MJ using my desk to study...she halau-ed me T_T and i have to study on the floor...damn kesihan...aih...that's what you get if you are younger...LOL! just jk! actually i dont study at the desk nor study on the floor...

here's where i study! LOL! MY BED! its beside my comp! now you can imagine how much i am able to concentrate when i study! XD no lar...usually off the monitor when i study and leave the music on...

too bored lar...WTF -_-

failing to fall asleep...

2007-10-20T02:50:00.000+08:00

cant fall asleep again...having minor headache now...9 more days and its the end of the semester already...i wont be able to see some people that i would want to see anymore...haih...the end is near...this semester has been filled with a lot of meanings and memories...a journey of finding myself back and climbing up back slowly...here i am...i'm proud to say i'm back...this time i mean it...i will stay this way...a lot of things happen in this semester but most of them are happy ones...i can remember it quite clearly like how i remembered the first semester...unlike the second and third semester,i cant remember anything about it...good that i cant remember unhappy times...everything comes to an end...without separation,there wont be reunion...its just a waste...i felt that i wasted a lot of time stucked in my own world and dream...after waking up,only that i realised that everything around me is just right and enough...i wish that i could know some of you guys earlier and get to know you guys better...time does not allow that...

my headache is getting worse now but i just still cant fall asleep...i'm listening to plenty of emo songs but i'm not...i must admit that sometimes i still feel empty and lonely but i'm fine with it...realised that i have been talking quite a lot this days...i mean to specific people...MJ has been away this week so dint really get to talk to her...once she is back today,went and chit chated with her straight...what to do...i love to chat but there is no one to chat with...yes...i am thinking of that person right now...i seriously dont know what i want and what i feel...what i miss...i just have no idea of it...at least i'm happy and accepting every fact that is thrown at me...maybe one day...things will be better...maybe that day wont come...i dont know...i just dont see myself stepping into a relationship or so in the near future...dont be mistaken,i aint waiting for anyone in particular...just that i do not have that feeling anymore...everytime it comes,of course it gives me happiness but there is always a price for it...the price of being sad/emo and having problems...i use to have loads of heart pains last time which i really mean LAST TIME but now i feel nothing...the last time my heart was really beating fast was with that person...after that,i never had once felt anything...its dead?i hope not...

i really need a good holiday...a trip then can let me think peacefully...a place that can let me shout my lungs out...a place that i can go and let go of my past...being lost in a big city is quite nice sometimes...not too lost lar...just a bit lost...lol...

i love you?我爱你?aku cinta padamu?ashiteru?sarang heyo?te amo? lol...the three words, i love you in different kind of languages...suddenly feel like typing them out...haha...too sien already...

chao...signing off now...time to rest...just lie down on my bed and just listen to songs...its coincident that all songs that are played automatically now are all love and emo songs...lol...cheers! =D

what am i doing?

2007-10-19T22:26:00.000+08:00

finals are next week and i am slacking...WTF? i am getting more and more lazy -_- zzz...i am sleeping more and more~! i'm still not a pig yet though...lol...i need to wake up and move my ass!!! argh...10 more days and its over! cant wait!

to my classmates! please do take care of your health! please do not fall sick this few days! drink more water and eat more! fat also nevermind! =D JIA YOU!

speechless moments...

2007-10-19T14:47:00.000+08:00

its been long that i had a feeling like this...the moment when there is the appearance of something or someone in front of you,all of a sudden,you will just keep quiet and run out of ideas of what to do next...felt something like this before?hm....why am i having this feeling?its not that i am avoiding...its weird though...lol...went to library today...within two hours,i am home already...lol...cant focus in the library...the weather is just too nice to sleep...but i am not sleeping nor studying at home...pathetic sia...

contented...

2007-10-18T22:26:00.000+08:00

i dint realise that this few weeks that i passed were kind of problem-free...just so normal...lol...finally pharm dispensing and patient counselling are over...kinda take a break from studying...watched a movie...another nice action movie...old movie though...back in 2004...lol..."Man on Fire" hm...now there are no more other stuff to think then just finals...3more days...its finally here...lol...i dont know what to say...i also dont know whether i am prepared for it...ready or not,its already here...lol...i wish everyone good luck and all the best...the last three days...use it well...

fucked up lab test...

2007-10-17T18:23:00.000+08:00

why must they make life hard for us? haih...i dont know what to say about the dispensing test...its like they purposely make us panic...make us be kiasu...i am unhappy with myself...HOW COULD I FUCKING MISS THE FUCKING ACTIVE INGREDIENT IN MY DAMN APF...the part of that active ingredient is so short that i missed it! diu! if i have that recommended dose,i wont be so fucked up...feeling so pissed with myself...today's total mark is 30% contributed to the finals man...haih...at least i salvage some points from the theory test...only one small mistake at one part...that theory part contribute 10% i think...and 20% in the dispensing test...i think i did one question quite well in the dispensing...and so i salvaged some marks from it again...but the question that i had to prepare a product was totally fucked up...i was just too panic...lecturer sat in front of me...books are beside me...the extra stress is there...before this,they would photostat us each a copy of martindale for whatever active ingredient or drug we have...this time they dint...they just prepared a few laptops and a few books on the table and everyone has to share it...and one of the most important book is located just beside me...everyone just kept coming to my table one by one non stop...haih...some just stick to the book for so long that other people dont have a chance of using...i really dont know what to say lar...i just hope i dint make anyone wait when i use the book...i just cant stop thinking about how stupid i am to miss the active ingredient in my APF...straight after coming out from the lab...i felt so stress...i am so scared that i would fail...seriously after the theory test...i felt quite confident over things but it dint last i guess...the theory test was almost perfect for me,i only forgot to add ancillary labels...its due to my hardwork as well...i worked my ass off yesterday doing around 60plus questions...

tomorrow there is another 10% at stake....its what i am most weak in...patient counselling...i just hope i wont stone there...i really dont know how to cure the disappointment...i just dont really have the mood to study for tomorrow...just kept thinking about how stupid i am to miss it...there is nothing worse than this...the thing i am finding for is just in front of me and i missed it...the feeling just sucks man...now i have to work extra hard for this paper so that i can cover the lost marks in the final paper...haih...when i was having that confidence back then after the theory test,i really felt good...its been long since i felt like this...i hope this wont pull me down...well...actually its not only me that screwed that question up...there are alot of people who are the same but i dont want to compare myself with people...comparing with myself is the best...compare myself to perfection if not i wont improve...i hope i can put this behind of me now and continue feeling confident over things...its not totally negative...at least...the confident is there burning...but not burning brightly...i need something to boost it now...add some petrol on it will just do good...lol...

2007-10-17T01:28:00.001+08:00

i miss you...i cant fall asleep...you were the only thing in my mind...how is that possible...

=D

2007-10-16T23:33:00.001+08:00

lol...something funny happened during lunch today...i went for lunch with beng beng,sang leng and kan mun...then i found out that rayvin has a gf liow...lol...before this rayvin told me that he had problems similar to mine during the mooncake celebration...actually he dint even know what problem i had...he only know that its about relationship only...LOL...today when i saw him and his gf,it struck my mind straight that his problem was settled already...lol...i asked him in front of his gf (karen,i hope i dint spell her name wrongly but it is pronounced that way)...lol...then he said YES with a smiling face...good good...good to see a friend happy and get what he wished for especially in a relationship...its not that easy after all...sometimes you just wont get what you wished and hoped for...i can see the happy face and the face filled with the meaning of life on him...grats man...lol...

ok...here's the part that needs attention! haha...during lunch,his gf said something...LOL! guess what? she is another person to think that i am a MIXED -_-'' LOL! she said i looked like a MIXED KOREAN! WAHAHAH! aiya...a lot of people said the same thing before liow lor...i look like a mixed japanese or a korean...just not local lar...got some people thought i am AH MO somemore! zzz! after lunch,went back to college...most of the people went to toilet and i chit chated with her...i asked her "actually how old are you?" then she asked me to guess....i told her that i have totally no idea...she looks young...i was trying to guess that she is born in 1988 but then rayvin looks quite old...so i guess that she was born in 1985 or 1986...LOL! then she told me she is born in 1988! i was like "huh?" then i asked her how old is rayvin...she told me he is 25 years old...i kinda believed cause the felar really look old...she tipu-ed me -_- after that she told me rayvin is born in 1987! WTF? that old looking felar also born in in 1987! LOL! after that i chit chated with rayvin about his age...he tried to tipu me again saying that he is 25...then after that he said "you also same right?1987" then i said yes....then his gf reacted like "har?!" straight i know what she is going to say liow...she said " you look like you are born in 1985 or 1986!" LOL! aiseh...not first time people thought i am born in 1985 or 1986 liow also....hahaha...what to do...i look matured! XD ENG TAO also! hahaha! just jk...

top gear!

2007-10-16T21:42:00.000+08:00

LOL! just finished watching TOP GEAR! its just superb! i just cant stop laughing for the whole one hour...its about cars...the hosts are bloody jokers...seriously...this is the show that can make me laugh the shit out of me and get to see chun cars and of course stupid cars...LOL! nice lar! downloading HEROES now...haha...HEROES is the only series i watch now...i watched LOST,GREY'S ANATOMY,PRISON BREAK and HOUSE before....but i just lost interest half way...i stopped LOST somewhere in the middle of season 2...stopped PRISON BREAK at the ending of season 1....stopped GREY'S somewhere in season 2 too...and for HOUSE,i just watched random episodes...LOL...HOUSE is nice but lazy to download and i had missed too much to catch up...maybe during holidays i shall download and watch...but for now...its all about HEROES and TOP GEAR! MOVIES too! LOL! i love movies...i watch damn a lot of movies...can watch up to 5 movies a day...hahaha...damn siao...sry lar...me no ngam HK and TAIWAN series...LOL! i used to watch them during my primary and secondary school time...but once came to college...not interested in TV at all...i dont watch tv -_- i dont even on tv...LOL! secondly,my tv is spoiled! the moment i on tv,its either F1 or football...

tomorrow is dispensing test! LOL! a bit nervous and scared lar!!! have to move my ass and do some exercises already...just to relieve my guilt...there aint much to study for it actually but for the sake of it...LOL...ITS 30% MAN! WTF! LOL!

journey ahead...

2007-10-15T16:37:00.000+08:00

i just cant stop thinking of it...i just cant wait...it will be like something i have been waiting for...i really want it...i really want to get free...i can feel that its the right decision already...i need this trip to freshen me up...i hope nobody will stop me from it...going to somewhere...totally lost contact with people that i know for a week or so...even my family...its the only way that can calm my mind and think of things...or rather let go of things...like the trip last time to aus alone...it was nice to travel alone...but i am actually going to my sister's place only...that itself make me felt quite fresh and sorted out some stuff...i just cant imagine what it would be this time...i need to plan it...lol...ahhhhhhhhh! EXCITED!

quarrels...

2007-10-15T00:46:00.000+08:00

i'm afraid of quarreling more than ever...once i find myself stepping into a quarrel,i feel damn awkward and i will definitely back off...i dont know why...it just happens to be like this...i dont want to cause people around me to be unhappy or annoyed anymore...i had too much quarrels till i am just afraid of it...phobia...phobia of everything huh?this is what i call the worst fall in my life...a fall that made me scared of everything...

hmm...why?

2007-10-14T21:30:00.000+08:00

why am i still thinking of you? i should be letting go and forgetting by now...instead,i still think of you...think of the moments with you...am i missing you or am i missing the feeling? the thoughts were always there...wondering what if i dint do that and dint do this...wondering what if i did that and did this... would the outcome be better? would it be a better ending than what it is right now? i went into your life like an express train and coming out of it the same way...although its short but i must say...i am very satisfied and happy that i met you...you somehow brought back life to me at that moment...i never hoped for anything between us...just wish and hope that you are always happy...

i guess its quite ok to think about my past once in a while...especially memories that stuck in my mind and heart...moments that once took my breathe away...i am now looking forward to the days ahead...people that i would meet and places that i would go...i am excited...i must admit...i had a bad past...what i want to do now is make now and the future a memorable and better one...

happy! =D

2007-10-14T19:39:00.000+08:00

my parents came down to klang today to have lunch with me today...lol...we went to Windmill to eat western food...wahaha! quite nice also! was talking to my parents about finals and when it will end and stuff like that...talking about my parents' holiday plan to phuket and also my eldest sister's plan back in malaysia on the 25th of october...lol...suddenly like so busy...most important is talk about MY HOLIDAY PLAN! WOOT! wahahaha...they kinda asked me about what am i going to do during holidays...wakakaka...then i straight asked what i wanted ask...i asked my parents "what if i say i want to go to HK,will you let me go?" they kept quiet at first but then after that,they started to ask for details,with who,where and bla bla bla....wahahaha...we were talking about it during lunch also...the only indication that they gave me is a GREEN LIGHT! haha! on the way home after lunch,my mom asked me about me finish learning my golf...asking me to learn scuba diving and climb Mount Kinabalu...ITS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO! LOL! problem is no kaki nia -_- i mean no kaki for scuba diving and Mount Kinabalu =( lalala! i am damn high weh...i keep smiling to myself....lol...i just cant take the smile off my face now...i'm losing focus! OMG! FOCUS! CONCENTRATE! WAHAHAHA! TOO HAPPY LIOW! =p i just cant wait for finals to end...

T_T

2007-10-13T19:09:00.000+08:00

the phrase or mind-set one or two semesters ago...
"exam nia...steady lar...bring it on..."

the phrase or mind set now...
"diu lor!mahai!exam ar...scared like fuck...damn stress...aih..."

i have lost the steadiness...i was once really damn steady...even my family are scared of my steadiness for exams...but after last semester...things are not the same again...PHOBIA is the word man...zzz...lost the confidence to face test and exams already...gained confidence in facing people and problems in life but i lost the other one T_T how i wish i could exchange them for a moment...lol...

good morning malaysia?

2007-10-13T13:27:00.000+08:00

..!.. if you thought this is a good post then fuck off now...what a great way to start the day after a fucked up night of sleep...dint really sleep well at all...a phone reminder's alarm woke me up at 8am....today is my mom's birthday...i was like WTF?haih...yes i dint go home this weekend again...she thought of coming down to klang to have lunch or dinner with me tomorrow...fine with that...of course i called her and wished her happy birthday...well,actually that is not the damn problem...there is another fucking problem that i have been ignoring since dont know when...CCB lar...i act dont know does not mean i fucking dont know...had lunch alone...fine with that...walk to the canteen,found that canteen was closed then i realised that today is hari raya...even more fuck,alot of shops are close...have to walk further...diu lar...when i thought things were alright but its not...fucked up people in a fucked up life! ..!.. fuck off lar...i am fucking tired on this issue!i have been acting and acting and acting!i dont give a fuck what you are trying to do but just dont fucking make me feel shity...

lost soul...

2007-10-13T01:16:00.001+08:00

why am i here?
why am i doing what i am currently doing?
why am i like this?

i am like a person without past and future...i dont even know what am i having now currently...i dont even know whether i want whatever i am having now...i feel that i want more but i dont know what the fuck that i want...everything just came into my mind...everything...from years back till now...everything that had happened or is happening or is going to happen just proves that i am a fucking total FAILURE...i am good for nothing...why am i here?once again i feel like leaving...somewhere far...restart my life...fresh and new...no one knows me and i know no one...start a new life without repeating the mistakes that i did...mistakes that made me who am i today...i always try my best to be someone great but it always ended up the same way everytime...being nothing...is all i could do...i have lost the meaning of life long long time ago...i dont have a goal in life...i dont have a target in life...i am just basically empty...just walking on everyday not knowing why am i doing whatever i am doing...after falling so bad,its always been a question whether i could ever stand up again...my dad asked me the same question back then...i still dont know the answer now...i have been trying very hard this semester...in everything...the semester is ending and i felt that...i am not there yet...not near full recovery...not near of fully standing up again...everytime i see each of you...i feel so jealous...there is the meaning of life...the smile on you guys' faces each day...me?i got nothing...i am close to nothing,no one, no where...i am standing in the middle of a dark room...being alone is not what i want but it always happen to be this way...no matter what i do to change it...it will go back to the same place...i am tired inside me...nobody could help me except myself...with me being so pathetic and useless,how am i going to help myself? to me,everything ends with a question mark...if its not a question mark then its a bad ending...

no mood...

2007-10-12T23:41:00.000+08:00

dont have the mood to do anything...just lying down on my comfy bed and relaxing...dont really have the mood to chat or study...just feel like seeing someone...at least i finished one of my MCBT reports...one more to go...

celebrated hui ying's birthday in station 1 just now...lol...she is a funny person...haha...during the last two MCBT lab sessions that we had together...i was busy kecoh-ing her...i kept telling her that i am trying to be kiasu...keep challenging her to finish the experiment faster because we were doing the same schedule! LOL! of course she lost both times...i am just good at experiments and lab work! XD haha...just jk anyway...no matter how i kecoh-ed her,she will just smile back -_- i had been having a lot of fun in labs during the last few weeks...especially pharm and MCBT lab i think...haha...i guess i would miss all the smiling faces next year...

i must admit that group A people are not that united compared to group B people...i had been to lab sessions with group B before...its kinda different...both groups have different kind of people...but to me,both groups are fun...i always hoped to be in group B for some reasons since first semester but for the last few weeks...i finally realised that group A aint bad at all...just that i dint really go explore and have fun...thanks guys...one felar i want to mention is...ALEC...LOL! this felar always kecoh me in lab...i guess i would miss this felar too...my lab partner too...GSC...must mention her a bit lar...if not she would kill me XD haha...just jk...thanks to her,i am able to catch up in dispensing pharm...doing those formula stuff...i know most of the time i copy but i do learn from her...i must say that our teamwork in doing lab work were quite good...lol...usually i would do the the dirty and harder work...LOL! no lar...just jk...like doing cream or ointment and stirring the cream non stop for half an hour...of course i do lar...she got no tenaga lar...LOL! shhh...going to tio whack liow...there are few other people also that turn my mood on during lab...lol...too bad,no more lab sessions anymore! =( haih...

8 more days to finals...finally its here...i feel scared and stress...just that i'm not showing it...just trying my best to study and push myself a little harder...i aint good at studies but i hope this time i can pass successfully...same to you guys...all of you must pass all...100%!

喜欢

2007-10-11T21:29:00.000+08:00

found an old song that i love when i was younger...dont know when was that exactly...

喜歡 - 古巨基

喜歡你的頭髮　喜歡你的臉頰
喜歡你微笑的時候眼裡藏不住的光
喜歡你的害羞　喜歡你的瘋狂
想要一天二十四個小時守在你身旁

喜歡開你玩笑　喜歡叫你傻瓜
喜歡嚇你一跳的時候看你慌張的模樣
喜歡搭你肩膀　喜歡你會怕癢
喜歡趁你沒有防備偷襲你的手指甲

想要抱你一下　貼緊我的胸膛
想要告訴你這樣下去不是辦法
想要把你綁架　想要帶你回家
想要非常認真嚴肅的承諾地老天荒

想要非常認真嚴肅的承諾地老天荒

思念你令我驚慌　想到你令我膨脹
你的每個笑容都會令我幸福的快爆炸
見你的時候我總是說些傻呼呼的蠢話
令我隨時隨地瀕臨瘋狂