lost in my world...

i just dont know where am i and what am i doing anymore...i just cant concentrate on doing anything...one moment i am smiling and another moment i am not...its just so me...i feel bored each minute that passed by...nobody to share things with...nobody to share happiness or the sadness or even the fan-ness...everyday i reach home...i just wanna go to sleep...i just dont have anything to do...next wednesday is already chinese new year...so what? lol...to me chinese new year is no big deal...nothing special...meaning of life...when only i can find it...when only will i realise it...i just dont know...every time i go out...anywhere...play ball...training or anything...when its time to go home...i just dont feel like going home...i just feel like hanging around talking...at least i am happy doing that...dint sleep much last night...only manage to sleep at 5am and woke up at 7am...wtf...my only target now is the competition in two weeks plus time...training training and training...pushing myself to the limits but in the end when i reach home,i just feel empty...sometimes i ask myself...train so hard for what? there is no one to acknowledge also...

busy...

it has been very very long since i last blogged...lol...too busy settling stuff...shifted in my new apartment...taking time to settle down...basically too busy...class schedules are packed like nobody's business...everyday 9am-5pm...seriously...i got no time...even if i have time...i just dont have the mood or feel to blog anymore...lol...will be busy with the next two weeks also...will be busy training...intensive training...to build up my stamina and leg muscles...joining both futsal and tennis competition in two weeks time...hope i can get some good results and satisfy myself...i am all pumped up now...tomorrow will be the first day of training...

i'm sorry...

i'm sorry that i could not be there for you when you needed someone...someone to talk to or someone to hold on to...i want to but i just dont know how to anymore and usually time dont allow it...months had passed by...yet i still care for you but i cant stand up to tell you that because i am no one to you anymore...guess this is what the word 'special' means...stupid me...being over-sensitive again...

对望


我们的纪念

i believe...

i believe...with my own hands and legs i will be able to complete and achieve things that i want to...to me...nothing is impossible...as long as i still have my hands and legs and the will power...i will make everything possible...dont say the word impossible to me...i promised myself things that i have to do in the years to come...promised my sisters that i would do something for them...and the things that i said,i aint joking at all...one day,i will surely achieve what i say to them...with my own hands,i will be someone someday somewhere...being alone aint a big problem to me anymore...in fact,i am starting to like it...i am able to push myself harder and keep constant pressure on myself and keep improving myself...this few weeks have made me a stronger person and a more matured person...a more responsible person...but being stronger that quickly always come with a price...what price? you wont want to know...i just want to continue to be like that...this days at home,i really felt that i am appreciated...really felt home...i started talking to my parents more...finally,my klang apartment is almost fully settled...shifted all my stuff by myself today...it aint that bad...as i said,as long i have my hands and legs,i will make it possible...although its a whole load of stuff but i did it...please dont look down at me anymore...this is an important year for me...i will change the tides against me...i will achieve my dream one day...a dream that i dint know i had been holding on to since the age of 12,slowly working towards it...i will wait for that one day to come...

忙!

will be super busy for the next week...just settled my apartment this week...now have to settle the small details...internet...heater...shifting and stuff...those small little things lar until its finally perfect...will spend next week thinking of what to do during the semester to fill time and MAYBE start studying a bit...currently finding legs to play futsal...haha...tennis also...finally...another week and the semester starts...i guess i get used to doing things alone now...i am fine with it...will go down to klang this weekend and start shifting some stuff alone...just came back from Ipoh today and all i get is disappointment...sien...haih...nvm lar...screw it...

spoiler

WAHAHAHAHA! i am a movie spoiler...i just downloaded 5 movies...i have been watching movies that are not even released in Malaysia! just watched The Game Plan...not bad at all! another movie that is yet to release in Malaysia is No Country for Old Men...well i will watch that tomorrow...i am bored and i got nothing to do :( i just finished reading Prince of Tennis manga till the most recent released chapter...its 372 chapters in 2 days...kakaka...actually i am quite busy...i got things i need to do but i havent start doing it yet...that is so me...slacking slacking...parents told me that they are going to Ipoh with a friend's family...asking me to come along but i think i just cant...then my dad add in...before i go Ipoh can you come help me shift some stuff? T_T i havent even settled my stuff and i have to settle yours...haha...but its light stuff though...nothing compared to mine stuff F3

friendship / face

its 3am and i cant fall asleep again...not thinking about anything specific...mind just kept flying...just want to say about something...i know a lot of people out there that wants face...so no matter what you did wrongly or badly...you wont admit it or you wont step forward and take the initiative to apologize or say sorry but instead,you would wait for another person to take the initiative to get things fixed...if friendship is at stake,is face really that important?i seriously dont know...i am very tired actually...why am i always the one taking initiatives?why am i always the one taken for granted?why am i always the one that put my face or pride down to fix things?because of what?so that you can even take me for granted further more?or so that you can think that i can be bullied even more?you think you deserve everything that you have...but sometimes everyone should think twice...do you really deserve it?or you are starting to take things for granted?if face is really that important to you then i would say its quite hard for you to find friendship because you will never get to mend things when they go wrong...i think i have been too soft and too kind...seriously...sometimes i really think that people that arent that kind hearted or not good at all are even more appreciated compared to those kind hearted people...so why be a good guy when all the bad guys are taking all the rewards? o.0 i told myself...try not to be a good guy...try not to be so nice to people anymore...my bro told me "dont be stupid,in the end,the good guys win.." lol...i just cant be a bad guy...too bad....so i will just continue to be taken for granted? no way...it stops right here...i wont tolerate anymore shites from anyone...especially people that take me for granted...i dont want to be a nobdy...i just want to be a somebody that is appreciated by everyone...those best friends that surround me are friends that had went through a lot of tough periods with me...sharing my sadness and also my happiness...if you call me to let go or forget them?i wont and i cant...they are like my brothers and sisters...if i did anything wrong or sorry to them,i will be the first one to say sorry...first one to take the initiative to talk back with them...first one to get things fixed...in the end,i will ask you...is friendship important to you?if it is,why the fuck you still want face for?