its been a long long time...

well...it really has been a long time since i last blogged...i know i should be sleeping right now...tomorrow is a freaking long day filled with lectures from 9am-5pm...suddenly wanted to blog about something...i just dont know why i have this feeling...jealousy?anger?everytime i look at ppl's blog...i will have this feeling...feeling that i am not where i am suppose to be...feeling that i should be there...not that i dont enjoy being here...its this feeling of 'i should have done better and be there now'...ah,nevermind...what i have predicted long time ago really comes true...my inner heart wants to be there...not for anyone...not for anything particular...for myself...i love the place...

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING INSOMIA! GO AWAY! WHY ARE YOU COMING BACK!!!! GO FAR FAR AWAY FROM ME!!! T_T

hope & aim...

i have one and only hope and aim for now...which is to pass this semester without any problems...i dont want to get myself involve in any trouble...its a promise to everyone...to my parents and family especially...i dont want to let them down...that's all i want to do right now...i think its time for me to get serious with my work...sit down and start doing what i should do...i need to activate the serious and quiet me once again...my dad just mailed me saying things that i feel very bad about...somehow i have forgotten my priorities...i am sorry...one thing about me is that i can change anytime i want...there are alot of types of me...just that on what situation i choose which me to present myself...i am like a wind...wind has no directions...nothing can calm the wind...small wind or big wind? who cares...no one is gonna stop me now...

情人节快乐！

时间过得真快。。。一年就将溜走了。。。我会永远记住这一天。。。因为是从那天起，我就没见过你了。。。

problematic...

i never changed...i am still that problematic...problems problems problems...i am going crazy...i dont know who to talk to anymore...there are things that set me on fire...things that i cant let go even though its been a long time...all this frustration had become the will power for me to train...training harder than ever...my injuries are worse than i thought...its not only at the elbow but its also at my shoulder...but i have decided no matter what,i will still play and train at my very best...yes,even i am suffering pain on that day,i still will play...it is something i want to achieve...the chance is here...i just want to accomplish it and satisfy myself...its funny...i just dont understand why my heart feel heavier each day...its been a long time...almost a year now yet this days i have thinking a lot about you...i just dont know why...i just feel like seeing you...seeing how you've changed...seeing how well you have been...while there is nothing special on my side...from the very beginning,i was just a normal person...there aint nothing special about me at all...its still the same until now...just a normal person unlike you...its been a long time that i wanted to see you face to face...just hope one day i will be able to see you...somehow, i still feel that you are someone special...people said first love is the hardest to be forgotten...maybe its true...you are the first i guess...6 more days to Valentine's day...it really has been a year since i last seen you...lol...Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! a day to remember...

down and upset...

its the eve of chinese new year and i am having this kind of mood...since years ago,i dont find CNY interesting or fun anymore...instead,i feel that it is very boring...anyway,Happy Chinese New Year to everyone!

went to training this evening and i was really upset...my elbow is injured...there is a term for it...its called the tennis elbow...i dint want to show the pain as my dad was there looking at me training and the training dint went well...but when i came out of the tennis court to rest...my hand felt like...nothing...no strength to even hold a can of 100 plus up properly...then i finally told my dad about the pain and my dad said no more playing...i told my dad that during strokes there is no pain...its pain only when i serve....then he told me that its because when i serve,if i dint hit the target properly and hit the side of my racket,it will have a big impact and it will hurt my elbow...have been training non stop this few days...i knew that i would hurt it one day but i just kept going...i felt the pain days ago but it was not as extreme as today...my dad insist that i rest for few days...the problem now is that...it will surely reoccur when i serve due to the strength i put in...competition competition...how?must think a way to counter it...

my past...

days passed by...months passed by...but it felt like years passed by...i still miss the same person...i still care for the same person...i still feel like meeting that specific same person...why? i dont know...maybe until the day i finally get to meet that person,i will still be like that...i have been very quiet this days...really really quiet...i guess that is how i am when i dont have anything to look forward to...its my natural state i guess...woke up at 8 this morning...went to the sports club because i heard from my dad that my coach will be there and there will be other players also...so i went...blindly looking for a challenger to train with...when i drove out,i realise it was raining...it was drizzling...when i reach the club,there was no one to be seen at the tennis court...feeling disappointed,i went to the gym and did some workouts and went home...sucks...

lost in my world...

i just dont know where am i and what am i doing anymore...i just cant concentrate on doing anything...one moment i am smiling and another moment i am not...its just so me...i feel bored each minute that passed by...nobody to share things with...nobody to share happiness or the sadness or even the fan-ness...everyday i reach home...i just wanna go to sleep...i just dont have anything to do...next wednesday is already chinese new year...so what? lol...to me chinese new year is no big deal...nothing special...meaning of life...when only i can find it...when only will i realise it...i just dont know...every time i go out...anywhere...play ball...training or anything...when its time to go home...i just dont feel like going home...i just feel like hanging around talking...at least i am happy doing that...dint sleep much last night...only manage to sleep at 5am and woke up at 7am...wtf...my only target now is the competition in two weeks plus time...training training and training...pushing myself to the limits but in the end when i reach home,i just feel empty...sometimes i ask myself...train so hard for what? there is no one to acknowledge also...

busy...

it has been very very long since i last blogged...lol...too busy settling stuff...shifted in my new apartment...taking time to settle down...basically too busy...class schedules are packed like nobody's business...everyday 9am-5pm...seriously...i got no time...even if i have time...i just dont have the mood or feel to blog anymore...lol...will be busy with the next two weeks also...will be busy training...intensive training...to build up my stamina and leg muscles...joining both futsal and tennis competition in two weeks time...hope i can get some good results and satisfy myself...i am all pumped up now...tomorrow will be the first day of training...

i'm sorry...

i'm sorry that i could not be there for you when you needed someone...someone to talk to or someone to hold on to...i want to but i just dont know how to anymore and usually time dont allow it...months had passed by...yet i still care for you but i cant stand up to tell you that because i am no one to you anymore...guess this is what the word 'special' means...stupid me...being over-sensitive again...

对望


我们的纪念

i believe...

i believe...with my own hands and legs i will be able to complete and achieve things that i want to...to me...nothing is impossible...as long as i still have my hands and legs and the will power...i will make everything possible...dont say the word impossible to me...i promised myself things that i have to do in the years to come...promised my sisters that i would do something for them...and the things that i said,i aint joking at all...one day,i will surely achieve what i say to them...with my own hands,i will be someone someday somewhere...being alone aint a big problem to me anymore...in fact,i am starting to like it...i am able to push myself harder and keep constant pressure on myself and keep improving myself...this few weeks have made me a stronger person and a more matured person...a more responsible person...but being stronger that quickly always come with a price...what price? you wont want to know...i just want to continue to be like that...this days at home,i really felt that i am appreciated...really felt home...i started talking to my parents more...finally,my klang apartment is almost fully settled...shifted all my stuff by myself today...it aint that bad...as i said,as long i have my hands and legs,i will make it possible...although its a whole load of stuff but i did it...please dont look down at me anymore...this is an important year for me...i will change the tides against me...i will achieve my dream one day...a dream that i dint know i had been holding on to since the age of 12,slowly working towards it...i will wait for that one day to come...

忙!

will be super busy for the next week...just settled my apartment this week...now have to settle the small details...internet...heater...shifting and stuff...those small little things lar until its finally perfect...will spend next week thinking of what to do during the semester to fill time and MAYBE start studying a bit...currently finding legs to play futsal...haha...tennis also...finally...another week and the semester starts...i guess i get used to doing things alone now...i am fine with it...will go down to klang this weekend and start shifting some stuff alone...just came back from Ipoh today and all i get is disappointment...sien...haih...nvm lar...screw it...

spoiler

WAHAHAHAHA! i am a movie spoiler...i just downloaded 5 movies...i have been watching movies that are not even released in Malaysia! just watched The Game Plan...not bad at all! another movie that is yet to release in Malaysia is No Country for Old Men...well i will watch that tomorrow...i am bored and i got nothing to do :( i just finished reading Prince of Tennis manga till the most recent released chapter...its 372 chapters in 2 days...kakaka...actually i am quite busy...i got things i need to do but i havent start doing it yet...that is so me...slacking slacking...parents told me that they are going to Ipoh with a friend's family...asking me to come along but i think i just cant...then my dad add in...before i go Ipoh can you come help me shift some stuff? T_T i havent even settled my stuff and i have to settle yours...haha...but its light stuff though...nothing compared to mine stuff F3

friendship / face

its 3am and i cant fall asleep again...not thinking about anything specific...mind just kept flying...just want to say about something...i know a lot of people out there that wants face...so no matter what you did wrongly or badly...you wont admit it or you wont step forward and take the initiative to apologize or say sorry but instead,you would wait for another person to take the initiative to get things fixed...if friendship is at stake,is face really that important?i seriously dont know...i am very tired actually...why am i always the one taking initiatives?why am i always the one taken for granted?why am i always the one that put my face or pride down to fix things?because of what?so that you can even take me for granted further more?or so that you can think that i can be bullied even more?you think you deserve everything that you have...but sometimes everyone should think twice...do you really deserve it?or you are starting to take things for granted?if face is really that important to you then i would say its quite hard for you to find friendship because you will never get to mend things when they go wrong...i think i have been too soft and too kind...seriously...sometimes i really think that people that arent that kind hearted or not good at all are even more appreciated compared to those kind hearted people...so why be a good guy when all the bad guys are taking all the rewards? o.0 i told myself...try not to be a good guy...try not to be so nice to people anymore...my bro told me "dont be stupid,in the end,the good guys win.." lol...i just cant be a bad guy...too bad....so i will just continue to be taken for granted? no way...it stops right here...i wont tolerate anymore shites from anyone...especially people that take me for granted...i dont want to be a nobdy...i just want to be a somebody that is appreciated by everyone...those best friends that surround me are friends that had went through a lot of tough periods with me...sharing my sadness and also my happiness...if you call me to let go or forget them?i wont and i cant...they are like my brothers and sisters...if i did anything wrong or sorry to them,i will be the first one to say sorry...first one to take the initiative to talk back with them...first one to get things fixed...in the end,i will ask you...is friendship important to you?if it is,why the fuck you still want face for?