troubled...

i feel so troubled...just feel like drinking alcohol to the point that my nervous system fails to respond and faint...feel like smoking to screw my lungs up....just feel like shortening my life...what is life when there is always no happiness for me...happiness comes and go...i cant even keep hold of it...watched the movie "the pursuit of happyness" few months back...its a damn good movie...realize that they used the word PURSUIT for happiness...happiness never came by itself...you just need to keep pursuiting but the screwed up things is no matter how hard i try and pursuit it...i just cant get it...haih...no matter what i do,all i get is sadness and loneliness...when would the right one appear for me?i dont know...i realized that i had passed most of my life just being content with something or having sadness...i dint really have a period of my life that i am really really happy about things...even there is,it wont last...

i know my life is much better than a lot people in this world but i am just not satisfied with it...i think that my life can be special and happy...all i can do now is just live a normal life and be contented with things...boring...just woke up from some afternoon nap and realized that i'm hungry and rushed for my dinner and here i am thinking what to do...M&I assignment's due date had been postponed but i still dont have the mood to start it yet...i am going to die soon...haih....