wrapping up...

its time to wrap up the year of 2007...its finally the end of an awful year...i just cant wait for the new year to come and get started with everything...getting started with classes and stuff...finally...3 more weeks till the new semester commence...i never felt this eager for a semester to commence...lol...not 3 weeks...can say 2 weeks...i will be staying in klang for one week first i think to get used to the new apartment...will be busy settling my apartment and shifting stuff again...lol...i will be dead tired T_T its damn a lot of things...i just hope i wont be busy finding small items that i simply chucked when i shifted last time...hahaha...finally...its here...a new year...i have been waiting for a long time...since who knows when...i will just hope it will be a wonderful year for me...a lot of things to learn...a lot of new environment to go to...i will be working for damn sure next year after my semester...earning my own money and buying my own stuff...just cant wait for it...new year resolution?once again to improve myself...all rounded...cheers to the new year...

changed...

i have changed...sorry...whether any of you like it or not...its too late...i had learned that everything is just shite...everything i do...everything i tried my best in doing...always go against me in the end...there is no more second chances for anyone...i gave too much second chances till the point that i am bored of it...my good friends ask me...WTF are u doing?why are you still giving this kind of people chances...no need fk such ppl liow lar!wasting ur time! yea...wtf...i dont know...just stupidity...i am always taken for granted...i just dont know why...is it my look or what...its like i am meant to be taken for granted...again,again and again...if you are looking for the hyper and happy-go-lucky cm...i am sorry...he is already gone...he is hurt...he lost too much things that was once meaningful and precious in his life...if you manage to see me smile nowadays then you are lucky...cause i dont smile that much anymore...i am back to the quiet and serious me...a reminder...i am a sensitive person...i know everything...i sense everything...just dont try anything on me...i am defensive now...sometimes,i really feel like talking to a specific person...but everytime i talk to that person,the conversations just give me a feeling that the person dont want to talk to me...and everytime i will end up with a heartbreak and sadness...the truth is i still care for that person...talking to that person is like a gift from god...but i just dont know why,it just dont work out...i just dont understand why this is happening to me...changes changes changes...i just cant count how many times that i have changed this year...one more change before a new year arrives...i am not the same anymore...never forget...never forgive...

merry xmas

super tired -_- loads and loads of driving was done...i am now scared of driving! very lazy -_- went shopping! WOOT! bought some nice clothes! hehe! try to buy more next month using my own pocket money T_T almost prepared for next year already! sad to say... my mood is still the same... at times i am dead serious and i dont smile... dont know what the fk had happened to me lar... i guess i will continue to be like that...

haih...

not in a good mood once again...went to auntie's place just now...met a few of my cousins...cousins that i really like talking to but dint get to meet them for quite a while...its not a surprise that my aunties asked me about my gf and i told them no more liow...its because there is one auntie that works in sg and she knows that i always go to sg and she asked whether i going to sg which at the same time hinting about my gf...after that,sat down with my cousins and seriously i like the atmosphere in my auntie's place...her daughters always bring their bfs back home for dinner and always hang out at her place...her son brought his wife and kids back too...really a big happy family...kinda jealous...my sisters bringing their bfs back for a normal dinner? LMAO...NO WAY! once again my cousins asked me about my gf again...and i said no more...they always ask why but i just cant find the proper answer for it...then after that my cousin asked me again whether i got new gf...then i answered no...in fact, i told her i am single for more than half a year already...she was like 'HUH?MORE THAN HALF A YEAR?' she was saying "you have such good qualities,impossible nobody wants you...or is it too much girls approach you until to the point you cant choose..." i told her...there is none at all...she was kinda disappointed which i dont know why...my auntie add in..."handsome also no people wants?" lol...i left my aunties house in a down mood...before leaving,my auntie once again asked why break up? i dint answer it properly...if you ask me that question ten times,maybe ten times i will give a different answer...then my auntie said that i 花心...then i told her that till now i have no gf at all...lol...then she was shocked -_- and smiled while saying "its ok...still young...you scared nobody wants you?" i am glad i am able to see this familiar faces again...the whole way driving,i was thinking...why do people think i am good? why this? why that? but i fail to find any answers...

movies...

i am a movie maniac! XD

American Gangster
Stardust
Shoot Em Up
The Golden Compass
I am Legend
Enchanted
The Kingdom
The Warlords
Alvin & the Chipmunks
National Tressure: Book of Secrets
Alien vs Predator 2
Iron Man
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Cloverfield

the list continues...

i am bored -_- i even finish reading Steven Gerrard's autobiography...i know i am a slow reader but this is considered fast to me...now...should i buy Jeremy Clarkson's book? i want to but its expensive T_T saw something quite funny just now...my dad was blasting a song...it was weird...then i realised it was 光良-童话 and to add on, my dad was singing along with it...lol...i was like o.0 after that, my dad suddenly asked me about something... it came back to me suddenly... i forgot that i had some sort of small little 'ball' at my neck that may need some operation... my dad asked me "how? need operation?" how i know wor -_- but of course if can, i dont want!

nightmare...

an event left my whole body trembling and heart beating faster than ever...what was that event? i nearly had a high speed accident at more than 100km/hr... if the accident did happen then i wont be sitting down here nicely typing... i may be dead... very high chances cause i knew that the speed was going to give a freaking big impact... this was how it happened... there was a slow traffic in highway... then all of a sudden, the traffic started moving... there's some space to speed up and the car in front of me definitely speed up fast... i thought we had space so i followed too... after i accelerated and just went up to speed... a car further in front jammed his breaks... fucking hell... then the car in front of me jammed his breaks as well... my car just went up to speed... i did not have enough distance in front of me to slow my car down... even i did jammed my breaks... if i follow the same lane, i would definitely bang the car in front of me and it would be a three car accident... furthermore, my car had its ABS breaking system taken off due to some problems to it... so basically there are chances for my car to lose control when i jam my breaks... luckily i checked my side mirrors fast and found some space on the middle lane... i jammed my breaks and shifted my car to the middle lane... thanks to the extra Gs or forces when shifting my car at high speed, the car dint skit... and guess what...i just managed to slip in front of a car in the middle lane...i bet it was just few inches in front of that car and i slipped in at such speed... the person in that car must be dead shocked... he must be like 'WTF?' but there is nothing i can do then that...in my heart, i was saying "sorry mate, i scare the shit out of you but i had to do that if not i am dead..." it was the only way out.... after i slipped in to the middle lane i found that there was a car not far ahead... luckily my car managed to slow down by then...if it dint, i would have needed to shift my car to the last lane which luckily had no car at that time... after i recovered from that incident, i continued driving slowly... traffic is slow... i passed by three accidents but the traffic is slow, i wondered why but dint mind thinking of it as i am still trembling... i just want to concentrate and drive... in me, i was screaming "let me out of the fucking highway now!" yea...i want to get out of it badly... but then it was slow traffic all the way until i reach Seremban toll... after i reached home and online, only that i realised that it was Haji which explains why the traffic is so slow in the highway... the first lane was running at 60-80km/hr only... at home, my body was exhausted... never did i felt this tired... not the muscles tired just the whole body losing its strength...

tried sleeping but dint fall asleep quickly...it took a long time for me to fall asleep...when i finally fell asleep, i dreamed about me in a high speed accident... me driving and the view of the road ahead of me... driving at high speed... i was damn scared and i woke up from it... dint have any good sleep at all...

emo emo emo!

yay! i am emo-ing! i am going mental! wtf! i just wish tomorrow is 21st of january and i wont need to think of so much stuff and crap...trying to figure out what is wrong with myself...yeah...there is definitely something wrong...i am going crazy already...when i need someone to talk to,no where to be seen,no where to be found...haih...its always like that...its only 11pm and i think i am going to sleep now...people will be like 'WTF?cm sleep at 11pm?you fucking joking me?" lmao....i think i am changing again...recent events hit me hard and low...i am losing it...losing my normal self...just wished that someone can keep me in tact...the end of year 2007 is almost here and i still do think i am a failure...yea...i passed my supp,so what?nothing much...life carries on...the HK trip sort me out a bit...but its not enough...i just want time to pass by faster...that's all...i feel lonely as ever...i have no one...in the end,i am just a nobody...tired of trying...tired of being a nobody...just wish i knew what made me such a big failure...

oh wtf...

what a great way to start the day...four calls came in when i was sleeping...wtf...destroying my sleep totally...not my handphone but my house phone...luckily i had cordless phone beside my bed...really zzzz...after the four calls i cant manage to sleep back already...for fuck sakes...haih...not in the mood this days...have to head to airport later to fetch my parents...time to get some scolding...

reign over me...

crap...spending few days alone at home aint good at all...its not helping either...i felt like crap...emo-ness and emptiness are reigning over me...i felt like shit...its like i am missing something in life...that last piece of my life...like a puzzle...it wont be perfect until you get that last piece done...i just cant figure out what was the last piece...haih...dont know how long will this last again...went for a movie alone just now...watched 'I am Legend' i must say it disappointed me whole lot...thanks to all the publicity and advertising...its fucking over-rated...its so damn bored and the ending was poor and fast...i sat on the third row from the screen...i told myself "its ok...i can bare with it if its a good movie" i came out of the cinema and said 'what the hell' to myself...seriously over-rated...nevermind...i will just take it as filling up the empty time that i had...its Grad Slam Sunday...Liverpool vs Manchester United and Arsenal vs Chelsea...it will be a freaking good match...i want to watch it badly but i dont have Astro at home so fuck it again...and please...dont fucking criticize Liverpool in front of me...i will fuck you up nicely if you do so...Manchester United will win...bla bla bla...be realistic...dont make assumptions until the end of the match...yeah...i like Liverpool damn a lot and after reading Steven Gerrard's autobiography, i love it more...i have a Liverpool home jersey and i must say i love it loads...thanks to my friends...it was a birthday gift from one whole gang...i keep reminding my maid not to put it in the washing machine that would destroy it and telling my friends not to pull it so hard! its fucking RM200+ and its my birthday gift! lol...but the pulling part is ok lar...just joking...it wont get wrecked so easily...may Lady Luck smile on Liverpool today...chances are created now compared to last season...just lacked the luck of touch by the strikers...

boredom

i am so bored at home... just wasting time basically... i dont know why but i feel very empty... mind and heart are both empty... just cant find anything to think of... i just hope days pass by faster so that next semester comes faster... i dont know whether this words are best used to describe what i am feeling now... i felt that... i lost the meaning of life... i dont have a feeling to everything... its like i'm numb...fuck it...

about me...

after going for the HK trip...i understand myself much more better...know myself inside out...haha...this is a joker post =D let's see...

i got the height of Leo Ku o.0 i dint know Leo Ku so tall one...180 plus cm weh!

i got the kawai-ness of Janice Wen Lan V(^^)

i got the yeng-ness of Andy Lau but i think i more yeng lar...he so short!

i got the gan xing-ness of the late Tai Kor...not gayish part..the gan xing-ness part k...

i definitely have some royalty! wahahaha!

have some potential to be the President of the United States! LOL!

i do have the potential to be a terrorist...Sadam Hussein!

i have some nerdy characteristics...

definitely a criminal! LOL!

i found my wife in Disneyland...LOL! Beauty & the Beast...sorry...me no beast k XD

back!

WOOT! i am 1000% satisfied with this trip! seriously! thanks a lot to Rachel! my tour guide all the way in HK...without her,i wont be able to have such an enjoyable trip...the stuff i bought is totally what i want... disneyland impressed me a lot too...its not just a mere kido place... it really impressed me to the max... just a short post... the stuff that i bought...

my new DKNY watch! WOOT! another reason for buying DKNY is because it is hard to be found in Malaysia XD

MY IDOL! the book that i wanted to read since the beginning of this year! finally got it! while finding for this book, i saw another book that i want! haha! hope i can buy it later! its jeremy clarkson's new book!

NIKE AIR FORCE! my first pair of air force! its cheaper in HK so i bought it! =) will be changing shoe laces...kekeke...secret...will be damn nice if i succeed...oh yea...green colour again...kakaka...3 years in a row now that my shoe is green...i just love it!

Quicksilver shorts! bought it at a mall that has only outlet stores...i got this for HK72...around rm35 only o.0

Casual blazer! finally found it! have been looking for one! hehe...price is quite ok lar! its Giordano but believe me...the Giordano in HK is totally different...i dont know about my coat but other stuffs are totally stunning...

another bottle of alcohol in pocket! going crazy already...Jack Daniel, Limited Edition! XD cant wait for my alcohol party...green apple bacardi, vodka, JD, Chivas, Black Label...oh yea...WTF! BBQ!

-gone-

leaving for airport now...bye bye...lost contact for one week...wont see the word 'cm' in your msn list for one week...i know it will be weird cause my nick is usually there 24 hours...lol...take care everyone...cheers...oh yea...i called pn. aini just now and she said "not to worry...no need to worry so much" so i assume that its a positive answer...i hope so...i'm sorry...i really had super bad mood before i leave...something is wrong with me...totally fked up...

i'm leaving later at 6pm but i must say that i am not feeling excited or happy about it...i dont know why...its like a lot of things are bothering me now...maybe its me giving myself big pressure...big pressure to let go of things...总是有依依不舍的感觉。。。这是怎样的啊？再这样下去的话，我真的不懂要怎样做。。。为何永远放不下。。。哎。。。真麻烦。。。

its time...time is here...

no more fooling myself...no more playing around...the moment is here...to let go of everything...i mean everything...i wont think of it anymore...i dont want to...now i got things to worry more about...not more...i just cant take my mind off it...i want to start new...leave everything behind me...i have to force myself to leave you behind...i'm sorry...its not going anywhere...i deserve a lot of times more than this...all the bad things are happening not to me only...but to my family also...i cant take it anymore...its been a long year...a bad year...a year that is filled with sadness and unhappiness...i have grown alot stronger through this year but not strong enough....i want to be stronger next year...i want to be a better person...

thanks for all the support...

i really must say thank you for all the good luck and all the best wishes from everyone...this is the first time i had this much support before facing a test...seriously,this is the first time i felt like this...felt that everyone was backing me...everyone was behind me...before this,i never felt like this before...i dint really have support or encouragement from anyone...which also include my parents...but the down point was...i am afraid that i once again disappoint everyone...the first one of course is me myself...i really studied very well for it...dont say i slack or what...i really put hard work in it...i studied bit by bit...slowly but it was there...i dont know what was the reason...i nearly broke down completely in the room facing three lecturers...i had forgotten everything at that moment...even the easiest question that i answered so detailedly well just minutes before...i panic-ed...i was questioned till the point that my jaws drop...my mouth was wide open but no words were coming out from it...all i had in my mind was "oh shit...is this the end?" i closed my eyes back then...i was so afraid that i will fail even after having this second chance...then i heard one or two of the lecturers saying "dont panic,keep hold of yourself...if not you wont be able to get through this..." after that i opened my eyes,force my brain to start rolling again and finally it functioned and i managed to answer the questions but i dont know whether the lecturers are satisfied with my answer...i dont know whether it was bad luck or what...but i realised that most of the questions thrown at me...i dint actually understand the question and what more the answer that the lecturer was seeking...after answering,the only thing i wished for was leaving that room as soon as possible and find someone to talk to....but once again,there was no one...after that,i called a few friends to talk about it and i felt better...after that, me, tee han and kan mun went to the new JJ to have a look and had our dinner there...but i was not satisfied...i need to release more...not to release only for exams...but to release for something else that have been bothering me for very long...so after that, me, bro, egg, tee han and blom went to a pub/disco...dont know what is it actually but its outside of pyramid...drank two jugs of beer and finally i get my satisfaction...i dint want to go home so i hanged out in bro's place...will be going back later...its 5.30am now...lol...once reach home,i will be busy again...washing some clothes and packing my luggage for HK...i am going to HK on thursday evening and finally get my vacation that i craved for so long...but before leaving,i hope i can know the results of the supp...frankly speaking,IF i seriously fail it,there would be a high chance that i wont continue...there are a lot of reasons to it...i dont want to say it out...i am passing days worrying about my family more than ever...this is the first time i cared so much about my parents...the people that took care of me and raised me to this point and for what?just to have me disappoint them?there is still no one out there that i can really tell everything to...and i mean EVERYTHING...every thinking and opinion of mine...haih...sometimes i just want to cry...things that are happening are unbearable...just moments ago,i realised that my birthday wish did actually came true...

the truth is...i miss you loads...i cant let go...or maybe i dont want to let go...the feelings are still there...if there is any chance or turning back, i will definitely take it and hold it tightly and appreciate it...after losing everything only that i realise the PURE HAPPINESS that i had back then was the 'thing' that i had been finding for so long...

almost there...

supp test is on tuesday...am i prepared? i dont know...lol...i am quite scared actually...but not scared enough to make me study...being scared and not scared at the same time...which also means that i am slacking a bit...wanted to blog for fun...very bored at the moment...the moment is here...the moment of freedom is almost here...i will be free on thursday...released from everything...stress and problems...its been a long and tough year for me,finally i got this chance to relax and chill myself...let go of things i want to let go...think of things i want to think...refresh myself up for the upcoming challenges...one more month and its a new year already...the year of 2008,i hope it will be a much better year...i hope that everything will be ok...everything...family,friendship,relationship and studies...i am looking forward to a new beginning...give me a chance and i will try my best....i promise...

mom said drink more water...wakakaka...she saw this and said 'wah! so many bottles!' lol...

love this at the moment,it tastes great...waiting eagerly for PARTY TIME! which would not come so soon T_T having BBQ and drinking alochol with a bunch of great friends,aint it perfect? XD

passport ready,air ticket ready,money ready...i am good to go! HERE I COME HONG KONG! ROAR!