thanks for all the support...

i really must say thank you for all the good luck and all the best wishes from everyone...this is the first time i had this much support before facing a test...seriously,this is the first time i felt like this...felt that everyone was backing me...everyone was behind me...before this,i never felt like this before...i dint really have support or encouragement from anyone...which also include my parents...but the down point was...i am afraid that i once again disappoint everyone...the first one of course is me myself...i really studied very well for it...dont say i slack or what...i really put hard work in it...i studied bit by bit...slowly but it was there...i dont know what was the reason...i nearly broke down completely in the room facing three lecturers...i had forgotten everything at that moment...even the easiest question that i answered so detailedly well just minutes before...i panic-ed...i was questioned till the point that my jaws drop...my mouth was wide open but no words were coming out from it...all i had in my mind was "oh shit...is this the end?" i closed my eyes back then...i was so afraid that i will fail even after having this second chance...then i heard one or two of the lecturers saying "dont panic,keep hold of yourself...if not you wont be able to get through this..." after that i opened my eyes,force my brain to start rolling again and finally it functioned and i managed to answer the questions but i dont know whether the lecturers are satisfied with my answer...i dont know whether it was bad luck or what...but i realised that most of the questions thrown at me...i dint actually understand the question and what more the answer that the lecturer was seeking...after answering,the only thing i wished for was leaving that room as soon as possible and find someone to talk to....but once again,there was no one...after that,i called a few friends to talk about it and i felt better...after that, me, tee han and kan mun went to the new JJ to have a look and had our dinner there...but i was not satisfied...i need to release more...not to release only for exams...but to release for something else that have been bothering me for very long...so after that, me, bro, egg, tee han and blom went to a pub/disco...dont know what is it actually but its outside of pyramid...drank two jugs of beer and finally i get my satisfaction...i dint want to go home so i hanged out in bro's place...will be going back later...its 5.30am now...lol...once reach home,i will be busy again...washing some clothes and packing my luggage for HK...i am going to HK on thursday evening and finally get my vacation that i craved for so long...but before leaving,i hope i can know the results of the supp...frankly speaking,IF i seriously fail it,there would be a high chance that i wont continue...there are a lot of reasons to it...i dont want to say it out...i am passing days worrying about my family more than ever...this is the first time i cared so much about my parents...the people that took care of me and raised me to this point and for what?just to have me disappoint them?there is still no one out there that i can really tell everything to...and i mean EVERYTHING...every thinking and opinion of mine...haih...sometimes i just want to cry...things that are happening are unbearable...just moments ago,i realised that my birthday wish did actually came true...

the truth is...i miss you loads...i cant let go...or maybe i dont want to let go...the feelings are still there...if there is any chance or turning back, i will definitely take it and hold it tightly and appreciate it...after losing everything only that i realise the PURE HAPPINESS that i had back then was the 'thing' that i had been finding for so long...