i'm crazy...

you can say me that because i will be back in klang in few more hours time...yes...i just reached home yesterday evening...lol...what to do...i have to rush back to do the MCBT reports...i just found that microsoft office 2003 in my comp cant write equations...haih...good also lar...go back today then tomorrow morning no need to rush for paintball...

God...are you giving me a sign?i hope so...

back home...

everytime i come home,there is always something that make me basically no mood...this time its the same as last time...i dint feel home at all...its like no one wants me to be home...i called my dad to tell him that i am going to reach seremban bus station soon cause he the one who called me to call him when i am almost reaching...then dont know what happen or what he told my mom...no one was there at the bus station to pick me up when i reach...i dont like to wait...i mean this type of waiting when i already called to avoid it...my mom called me and told me she is still at home and asked me where am i...that time i was so damn pissed...AGAIN?! then i just straight told my mom i will take taxi home and put down the call...sien lar...always also like that...compared to last time when my third sister is here...its totally different...haih...i dont want to compare lar...i have to take bus home from klang every time...if you count the fares,for one trip back to seremban...its almost RM50! taxi to klang bus station RM10,bus ticket to seremban RM6.50,taxi to home RM8....whole thing times two...whose gonna pay for that extra money?i have been eating so damn a lot this few weeks...i rarely spend money on other stuff...i spent it all on food...they just wont understand lar...

on the bus,my head was filled with thoughts...as i look out of the window,i was slowly thinking and my mind is slowly flying away...i was looking at nothing specific...thoughts of everything that had happened...thoughts of what to do next...no matter what i think,its all related to you...i dont know why...its just like that...i just cant get you out of my head at all this few days...i hope i am able to talk to you soon...

ok,reached home...walked into my room straight,when i walk pass the living hall,i was wondering where was my niece and there she was sleeping on a big pillow there...lol...lied down on my bed and chill a bit...after that ate dinner...half way eating my dinner,my niece woke up and cried...erm...she was looking for her mom...lol...she kept calling 'mama!mama!' then cried...my sister went for seminar in kl and will be back later...but then its been a long time that i heard cries from a baby which is looking for her/his mother...

crazy day...

lol...i just came back from futsal only...yeah...must be wondering...futsal so early in the morning?LOL! we played from 12am-2am...finally the end of the day is here...it was a day filled with activities and fun...lol...went to the farewell party organised by the juniors from 1.30pm till 6pm -_- after that went home and get ready to go out for dinner already...we had dinner at Victoria Station! WOOT! a place that i wanted to go for quite some time liow...finally get to eat there...the food is nice...100% satisfied...the escargots are just superb...even better than the escargots served at The Ship...i had char boiled ribeye steak and a plate of brownies...we also had red wine! LOL! *drools* after dinner,we rushed back to klang for futsal...futsal was superb once again...i was glad that i dint lose my stamina as much as i thought i would...its still there...was satisfied with the last day of futsal together with the gang...created some good goals and scored some good goals...overall,happy again...lol...means i dint have any rest at all since yesterday...its almost time to sleep for me but there is still something in my mind...i dont know what i want...i dint have time to think of it yet...maybe its time to think detailedly about things...

the end is finally here...

the last day of semester 4 is finally here...i spent some time thinking about it...i must admit...i dont feel good at all...i have to say goodbye to so many people...haih...i wont be able to meet some of you guys anymore till who knows when...i wont be able to see those smiling and happy faces that would cheer me up everyday in college anymore...i have tried my very best this semester in being a good friend...i hope i left a good image and memory in you guys...i will definitely miss you guys...one last paper and we are free...i just cant stop thinking about the fact that i may not see you anymore...haih...what should i do?i need guidance...i dont know what to do...i hope God will give me some guidance in my dream tonight...

nice song...

差一点



差一点 你就是我的女人
差一些 手牵手的完整
却在对的时间错过对的人
抓不住幸福时分
遇上了错的人 渐渐的吻在她无心的嘴唇
感觉像一个旅程 走完了就分
错过了对的人,决定就只在那一秒那一分
爱情的岔口,你是我等不到的路人

差一点 你就是我的女人
差一些 就和你共度一生
因为对的时间对的人
就值得我为你奋不顾身

差一点 你就是我的女人
差一些 手牵手的完整
却在对的时间错过对的人
抓不住幸福时分

错过了对的人 决定就只在那一秒那一分
如果没缘分
我也会固执的为你一人

差一点 你就是我的女人
差一些 就和你共度一生
因为对的时间对的人
就值得我为你奋不顾身

差一点 你就是我的女人
差一些 手牵手的完整
却在对的时间错过对的人
抓不住幸福时分

我忍不足了！
我要爆炸了!
我不要再骗我自己了!
爱一个人不是将的!
为什么就要偏偏将!
我是很想跟你讲话的!
当跟你讲话的时候,我会有一个不同的感觉...
我没试过有将特别的感觉...
而且,我没有试过这样的开心过...
那开心是根本不一样的...
是真真的从心里深深的笑出来的...
谁都想感到被爱,我也是其中一个...
我很失败...
我没好好的珍惜...
做错了一次就没机会转回头了...
对不起,请原谅我...

untitled...

my eldest sister and her daughter came back from aus yesterday...today they brought my niece to the zoo and came to klang to find me for dinner...lol...yes...i am already an uncle...uncle cm -_- but she calls me QQ...at the beginning,she was scared of me...she dint remember me cause i only saw her and took care of her when she is less than one year old...its more than one and the half year ago...i know its kinda impossible for her to recognize me as i dont appear often on webcam when my family has a video conversation with my sister when they are in aus...for those who dont know her name,her name is emily...she is very cute...after a while,she started playing with me...she let me carry her too...for dinner,we went to Boston but we were too early...so we headed to Kamdar to have a walk...in Kamdar,my niece was busy playing with me...running here running there as i follow her from behind...the more i follow,the faster she walks and run...haha...when one of my sister or my dad say 'bye bye' then she quickly turns back and start making noise afraid that we would leave her behind...HOW COULD WE?she is the princess of the family now...haha...i love kids...erm...maybe not the super-duper naughty ones...before dinner,we were yam cha-ing at Station 1...i was chit chating with my two sisters...my eldester sister and my 2nd sister...quite long dint talk to them liow...we kinda discussed about how people can change suddenly to another person and what more,our close relatives...i was like WTF?aih...nevermind...since my 2nd sister which has the same characteristic and attitude with me can bare with it,so i assume i have to bare with it too...just by hearing my 2nd sister say about my relative,i was already so pissed...nevermind that,i will just ignore it...here are some pictures of my niece today...

isnt she cute?lol! i know she look ganas when she dont smile...same as me! XD she was choosing a doll to buy...haha...my mom bought one for her...lol...the doll has music but you have to turn the thing(something like a screw,those thing behind a doll one) in order for the music to play...half way walking with the doll,the music stopped...she looked at me and said "more!" she tried turning the thing herself but cant so she came to me for help...haha!so sweet to see her walking while holding the doll so happily...

i managed to take one picture of her smiling...she's a pretty girl!

she was busy playing with me and my 2nd sister in Kamdar...she has an attitude too...haha...she simply whack people sometimes...really ganas one ler!dont play play!

终于可以松一口气了。。。
可以给自己一天的时间轻松一下和好好的休息。。。
可以给自己一点的时间去想想现在不应该想的东西。。。
就那短短的几天和星期以令我时时刻刻都在想你。。。
你可以看到你对我是多么的特别和重要吗？
已经过去了几个月，但你的影像常常都在我头里重演。。。
一次了又一次，我哪有可能忘得记你。。。
我不想再继续自己骗自己了。。。
哎。。。

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

just felt like shouting...i need a break...time passed by so fast today...time is always the limiting factor nowadays...time time time...every minute counts...just that i have been ignoring it and taking my own sweet time...haih...that's just me...the deadline is there to be seen but i still dont take it seriously...i dont know what is this called...is this called relax and steady?everything i studied is half half...i am not absolutely sure that i know it...just wish that someone could be beside me supporting me 100%...telling me that i am doing well...that i'm always improving...that i can do it...sometimes i just wish that i could hear those words coming out from a special person...i have been pushing myself very very hard but that does not mean that i am definitely moving forward...the day i am looking to is coming nearer...i just hope i wont get disappointed...

为何永远放不下。。。
能放下又怎样？
会更开心吗？
过后的日子会过得更好吗？
每一个人都一样，
要失去了过后才会珍惜。。。
但又太迟了。。。
已没机会去珍惜。。。
只能自己怪自己。。。
只能想自己做错了什么。。。
只能去改进自己，
改变自己。。。
心还是在想那个人。。。
但想有如何。。。
最后，什么都不能做。。。
只能白白的看着它过。。。

upcoming paper: MCBT

MCBT = Molecular & Chemical Basis of Therapeutics -_- who cares...lol...the funny part is here...i created one special name for it quite long ago...quite vulgar...MCBT = M C B 他! LOL~! dont ask me what is M C B...maybe ask someone else! haha...ok lar...better chao go study liow...dint study much today...have been slacking for the whole day...

Sorry,Blame it on me

this song suits me...
As life goes on I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility and I realize that everything I do is affecting the people around me.So I want to take this time out to apologize for things that I've done and things that haven't occurred yet and things that they don't want to take responsibility for...

haih...

好人。。。being a good person is not always good...



a song by patrick tam...i think its title is si mian qing ge...

P&B was quite bad...haih...did too many careless mistake...when i walked out of the exam hall,i was blank and blur...i really dont know where and what to think...after that when it sunk in,i realised that i did alot of silly mistakes...sucks...i dont really know whether i can pass this paper a not...maybe border...really not sure...this morning i woke up from a dream that is absolutely perfect for me...this is the first time,i dint want to wake up from a dream...really a perfect dream...too bad...its gone now...

one word: STRESS

one person using a table that should fit four person...i underestimated P&B -_-

let go & move on

dont think of the paper anymore...no matter how any of you did it...its now over....you cant do anything about it anymore but just to accept it...just focus and concentrate on the next paper...no point crying over spilled milk...i know a good start is important but there is not always a perfect start...if there is no perfect start then no point continuing the effort anymore? please dont give up too fast...you will never know what are your results...you will never know what kind of ending it would be...so cheer up and keep going! falling down is the nature of human but learning to stand up from it is also part of it...be more positive =D

1 down 3 more to go...

the moment i stepped out of the exam hall...i was relieved that the feeling aint the same from the feeling i had last semester...i was satisfied and happy...i was all smiles...what could i say...i think it went quite well...i am not a scorer...just a passer...i felt comfortable with how i answered the question...it was a good start...now,i just need to end it the same way...before i went in to the exam hall this morning,i was sitting down on the floor...i was not reading anything while my other classmates were...i was getting a little nervous back then and i only had 4 hours of sleep due to my sweet insomnia...i just looked at the floor breathing deeply telling myself to focus and concentrate...once the paper started,i settled down...enough of that now...i still have three papers more to go...i still have tonnes of work and exercise to do...somehow,the confidence is back...i am ready...i am able to focus and concentrate...i hope it continues for the next few days until finals end...there is something i wanted to shout after coming out of the exam hall...here it goes...

HELL YEAH! I AM BACK!

*i was pumping my fist with joy back then*

failing to fall asleep again...

wonder what is wrong with me...i just cant fall alseep...its 3am now...i have pharmaceutics paper at 9.30am...just dont feel right...having headaches...something wrong with my throat...i dont know what to do...i want to sleep badly but i just cant...its funny...there was this few weeks that i really cant sleep at all...really having insomnia at that time...after that,i had few weeks of good sleep...now,i am suffering from it again -_- i dont think i need sleeping pills...i am too young for that...lol...i may just overdose myself with it too...everyone should be sleeping right now and i am the one here awake thinking how to sleep...zzz...once failing to fall asleep,things will start coming into my mind...a lot of unimportant stuff...is this a symptom of stress? i really dont know...i can sleep in the afternoon but not at night...

its here...

tomorrow is the beginning of the final battle...i am kinda nervous...scared that i would panic and forget everything that i studied for the past few weeks...nevertheless,the fire is now burning...now,its up to me to keep in burning...its up to me to make the fire to burn stronger and brighter...let's all get through this final battle safe and sound...leave no one behind...i know i'm already left behind but i dont want and dont hope to see anyone left behind like me...the feeling aint nice...i dont want people around me to go through what i had gone through...i dont wan to see people down and sad...i hope i have done what i can as a friend to you guys...that is why,i had been quite supportive when one of you guys are down...cheer up no matter what =D good luck and all the best to everyone...including me...time to prove the doubters wrong...time to show what you guys are capable of...time to repay the faiths that people have in you guys...there are so much things i have to do in this final battle...i just have to prove myself...yes...i am stress and i shall keep that to myself...i found a way to counter it temporarily...i assume after this,i wont use that way anymore...i definitely will not...see you guys tomorrow...

oh fuck...

i felt like slapping myself...i overslept...i suppose to sleep half an hour only and i only found myself awake after one and the half hour of great sleep...after waking up,only i realised that i set my alarm wrongly...wtf...i set it to be at 4am...its supposed to be 4pm! wah...gao lat lor...suddenly feel so guilty and stress -_- feel like dying...aaahhhhhhhh

boring!

after hours of studying,its time to sit down and relax and chill...haha...too bored!seriously finding for people to chat with! argh...so i came to my blog and crap a bit...LOL! this is a joker post...BEWARE! i shall get some scolding! XD

my notes and past year papers scattered everywhere...wait a minute...why is it on the floor?

here's the culprit...MJ using my desk to study...she halau-ed me T_T and i have to study on the floor...damn kesihan...aih...that's what you get if you are younger...LOL! just jk! actually i dont study at the desk nor study on the floor...

here's where i study! LOL! MY BED! its beside my comp! now you can imagine how much i am able to concentrate when i study! XD no lar...usually off the monitor when i study and leave the music on...

too bored lar...WTF -_-

failing to fall asleep...

cant fall asleep again...having minor headache now...9 more days and its the end of the semester already...i wont be able to see some people that i would want to see anymore...haih...the end is near...this semester has been filled with a lot of meanings and memories...a journey of finding myself back and climbing up back slowly...here i am...i'm proud to say i'm back...this time i mean it...i will stay this way...a lot of things happen in this semester but most of them are happy ones...i can remember it quite clearly like how i remembered the first semester...unlike the second and third semester,i cant remember anything about it...good that i cant remember unhappy times...everything comes to an end...without separation,there wont be reunion...its just a waste...i felt that i wasted a lot of time stucked in my own world and dream...after waking up,only that i realised that everything around me is just right and enough...i wish that i could know some of you guys earlier and get to know you guys better...time does not allow that...

my headache is getting worse now but i just still cant fall asleep...i'm listening to plenty of emo songs but i'm not...i must admit that sometimes i still feel empty and lonely but i'm fine with it...realised that i have been talking quite a lot this days...i mean to specific people...MJ has been away this week so dint really get to talk to her...once she is back today,went and chit chated with her straight...what to do...i love to chat but there is no one to chat with...yes...i am thinking of that person right now...i seriously dont know what i want and what i feel...what i miss...i just have no idea of it...at least i'm happy and accepting every fact that is thrown at me...maybe one day...things will be better...maybe that day wont come...i dont know...i just dont see myself stepping into a relationship or so in the near future...dont be mistaken,i aint waiting for anyone in particular...just that i do not have that feeling anymore...everytime it comes,of course it gives me happiness but there is always a price for it...the price of being sad/emo and having problems...i use to have loads of heart pains last time which i really mean LAST TIME but now i feel nothing...the last time my heart was really beating fast was with that person...after that,i never had once felt anything...its dead?i hope not...

i really need a good holiday...a trip then can let me think peacefully...a place that can let me shout my lungs out...a place that i can go and let go of my past...being lost in a big city is quite nice sometimes...not too lost lar...just a bit lost...lol...

i love you?我爱你?aku cinta padamu?ashiteru?sarang heyo?te amo? lol...the three words, i love you in different kind of languages...suddenly feel like typing them out...haha...too sien already...

chao...signing off now...time to rest...just lie down on my bed and just listen to songs...its coincident that all songs that are played automatically now are all love and emo songs...lol...cheers! =D

what am i doing?

finals are next week and i am slacking...WTF? i am getting more and more lazy -_- zzz...i am sleeping more and more~! i'm still not a pig yet though...lol...i need to wake up and move my ass!!! argh...10 more days and its over! cant wait!

to my classmates! please do take care of your health! please do not fall sick this few days! drink more water and eat more! fat also nevermind! =D JIA YOU!

speechless moments...

its been long that i had a feeling like this...the moment when there is the appearance of something or someone in front of you,all of a sudden,you will just keep quiet and run out of ideas of what to do next...felt something like this before?hm....why am i having this feeling?its not that i am avoiding...its weird though...lol...went to library today...within two hours,i am home already...lol...cant focus in the library...the weather is just too nice to sleep...but i am not sleeping nor studying at home...pathetic sia...

contented...

i dint realise that this few weeks that i passed were kind of problem-free...just so normal...lol...finally pharm dispensing and patient counselling are over...kinda take a break from studying...watched a movie...another nice action movie...old movie though...back in 2004...lol..."Man on Fire" hm...now there are no more other stuff to think then just finals...3more days...its finally here...lol...i dont know what to say...i also dont know whether i am prepared for it...ready or not,its already here...lol...i wish everyone good luck and all the best...the last three days...use it well...

fucked up lab test...

why must they make life hard for us? haih...i dont know what to say about the dispensing test...its like they purposely make us panic...make us be kiasu...i am unhappy with myself...HOW COULD I FUCKING MISS THE FUCKING ACTIVE INGREDIENT IN MY DAMN APF...the part of that active ingredient is so short that i missed it! diu! if i have that recommended dose,i wont be so fucked up...feeling so pissed with myself...today's total mark is 30% contributed to the finals man...haih...at least i salvage some points from the theory test...only one small mistake at one part...that theory part contribute 10% i think...and 20% in the dispensing test...i think i did one question quite well in the dispensing...and so i salvaged some marks from it again...but the question that i had to prepare a product was totally fucked up...i was just too panic...lecturer sat in front of me...books are beside me...the extra stress is there...before this,they would photostat us each a copy of martindale for whatever active ingredient or drug we have...this time they dint...they just prepared a few laptops and a few books on the table and everyone has to share it...and one of the most important book is located just beside me...everyone just kept coming to my table one by one non stop...haih...some just stick to the book for so long that other people dont have a chance of using...i really dont know what to say lar...i just hope i dint make anyone wait when i use the book...i just cant stop thinking about how stupid i am to miss the active ingredient in my APF...straight after coming out from the lab...i felt so stress...i am so scared that i would fail...seriously after the theory test...i felt quite confident over things but it dint last i guess...the theory test was almost perfect for me,i only forgot to add ancillary labels...its due to my hardwork as well...i worked my ass off yesterday doing around 60plus questions...

tomorrow there is another 10% at stake....its what i am most weak in...patient counselling...i just hope i wont stone there...i really dont know how to cure the disappointment...i just dont really have the mood to study for tomorrow...just kept thinking about how stupid i am to miss it...there is nothing worse than this...the thing i am finding for is just in front of me and i missed it...the feeling just sucks man...now i have to work extra hard for this paper so that i can cover the lost marks in the final paper...haih...when i was having that confidence back then after the theory test,i really felt good...its been long since i felt like this...i hope this wont pull me down...well...actually its not only me that screwed that question up...there are alot of people who are the same but i dont want to compare myself with people...comparing with myself is the best...compare myself to perfection if not i wont improve...i hope i can put this behind of me now and continue feeling confident over things...its not totally negative...at least...the confident is there burning...but not burning brightly...i need something to boost it now...add some petrol on it will just do good...lol...

i miss you...i cant fall asleep...you were the only thing in my mind...how is that possible...

=D

lol...something funny happened during lunch today...i went for lunch with beng beng,sang leng and kan mun...then i found out that rayvin has a gf liow...lol...before this rayvin told me that he had problems similar to mine during the mooncake celebration...actually he dint even know what problem i had...he only know that its about relationship only...LOL...today when i saw him and his gf,it struck my mind straight that his problem was settled already...lol...i asked him in front of his gf (karen,i hope i dint spell her name wrongly but it is pronounced that way)...lol...then he said YES with a smiling face...good good...good to see a friend happy and get what he wished for especially in a relationship...its not that easy after all...sometimes you just wont get what you wished and hoped for...i can see the happy face and the face filled with the meaning of life on him...grats man...lol...

ok...here's the part that needs attention! haha...during lunch,his gf said something...LOL! guess what? she is another person to think that i am a MIXED -_-'' LOL! she said i looked like a MIXED KOREAN! WAHAHAH! aiya...a lot of people said the same thing before liow lor...i look like a mixed japanese or a korean...just not local lar...got some people thought i am AH MO somemore! zzz! after lunch,went back to college...most of the people went to toilet and i chit chated with her...i asked her "actually how old are you?" then she asked me to guess....i told her that i have totally no idea...she looks young...i was trying to guess that she is born in 1988 but then rayvin looks quite old...so i guess that she was born in 1985 or 1986...LOL! then she told me she is born in 1988! i was like "huh?" then i asked her how old is rayvin...she told me he is 25 years old...i kinda believed cause the felar really look old...she tipu-ed me -_- after that she told me rayvin is born in 1987! WTF? that old looking felar also born in in 1987! LOL! after that i chit chated with rayvin about his age...he tried to tipu me again saying that he is 25...then after that he said "you also same right?1987" then i said yes....then his gf reacted like "har?!" straight i know what she is going to say liow...she said " you look like you are born in 1985 or 1986!" LOL! aiseh...not first time people thought i am born in 1985 or 1986 liow also....hahaha...what to do...i look matured! XD ENG TAO also! hahaha! just jk...

top gear!

LOL! just finished watching TOP GEAR! its just superb! i just cant stop laughing for the whole one hour...its about cars...the hosts are bloody jokers...seriously...this is the show that can make me laugh the shit out of me and get to see chun cars and of course stupid cars...LOL! nice lar! downloading HEROES now...haha...HEROES is the only series i watch now...i watched LOST,GREY'S ANATOMY,PRISON BREAK and HOUSE before....but i just lost interest half way...i stopped LOST somewhere in the middle of season 2...stopped PRISON BREAK at the ending of season 1....stopped GREY'S somewhere in season 2 too...and for HOUSE,i just watched random episodes...LOL...HOUSE is nice but lazy to download and i had missed too much to catch up...maybe during holidays i shall download and watch...but for now...its all about HEROES and TOP GEAR! MOVIES too! LOL! i love movies...i watch damn a lot of movies...can watch up to 5 movies a day...hahaha...damn siao...sry lar...me no ngam HK and TAIWAN series...LOL! i used to watch them during my primary and secondary school time...but once came to college...not interested in TV at all...i dont watch tv -_- i dont even on tv...LOL! secondly,my tv is spoiled! the moment i on tv,its either F1 or football...

tomorrow is dispensing test! LOL! a bit nervous and scared lar!!! have to move my ass and do some exercises already...just to relieve my guilt...there aint much to study for it actually but for the sake of it...LOL...ITS 30% MAN! WTF! LOL!

journey ahead...

i just cant stop thinking of it...i just cant wait...it will be like something i have been waiting for...i really want it...i really want to get free...i can feel that its the right decision already...i need this trip to freshen me up...i hope nobody will stop me from it...going to somewhere...totally lost contact with people that i know for a week or so...even my family...its the only way that can calm my mind and think of things...or rather let go of things...like the trip last time to aus alone...it was nice to travel alone...but i am actually going to my sister's place only...that itself make me felt quite fresh and sorted out some stuff...i just cant imagine what it would be this time...i need to plan it...lol...ahhhhhhhhh! EXCITED!

quarrels...

i'm afraid of quarreling more than ever...once i find myself stepping into a quarrel,i feel damn awkward and i will definitely back off...i dont know why...it just happens to be like this...i dont want to cause people around me to be unhappy or annoyed anymore...i had too much quarrels till i am just afraid of it...phobia...phobia of everything huh?this is what i call the worst fall in my life...a fall that made me scared of everything...

hmm...why?

why am i still thinking of you? i should be letting go and forgetting by now...instead,i still think of you...think of the moments with you...am i missing you or am i missing the feeling? the thoughts were always there...wondering what if i dint do that and dint do this...wondering what if i did that and did this... would the outcome be better? would it be a better ending than what it is right now? i went into your life like an express train and coming out of it the same way...although its short but i must say...i am very satisfied and happy that i met you...you somehow brought back life to me at that moment...i never hoped for anything between us...just wish and hope that you are always happy...

i guess its quite ok to think about my past once in a while...especially memories that stuck in my mind and heart...moments that once took my breathe away...i am now looking forward to the days ahead...people that i would meet and places that i would go...i am excited...i must admit...i had a bad past...what i want to do now is make now and the future a memorable and better one...

happy! =D

my parents came down to klang today to have lunch with me today...lol...we went to Windmill to eat western food...wahaha! quite nice also! was talking to my parents about finals and when it will end and stuff like that...talking about my parents' holiday plan to phuket and also my eldest sister's plan back in malaysia on the 25th of october...lol...suddenly like so busy...most important is talk about MY HOLIDAY PLAN! WOOT! wahahaha...they kinda asked me about what am i going to do during holidays...wakakaka...then i straight asked what i wanted ask...i asked my parents "what if i say i want to go to HK,will you let me go?" they kept quiet at first but then after that,they started to ask for details,with who,where and bla bla bla....wahahaha...we were talking about it during lunch also...the only indication that they gave me is a GREEN LIGHT! haha! on the way home after lunch,my mom asked me about me finish learning my golf...asking me to learn scuba diving and climb Mount Kinabalu...ITS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO! LOL! problem is no kaki nia -_- i mean no kaki for scuba diving and Mount Kinabalu =( lalala! i am damn high weh...i keep smiling to myself....lol...i just cant take the smile off my face now...i'm losing focus! OMG! FOCUS! CONCENTRATE! WAHAHAHA! TOO HAPPY LIOW! =p i just cant wait for finals to end...

T_T

the phrase or mind-set one or two semesters ago...
"exam nia...steady lar...bring it on..."

the phrase or mind set now...
"diu lor!mahai!exam ar...scared like fuck...damn stress...aih..."

i have lost the steadiness...i was once really damn steady...even my family are scared of my steadiness for exams...but after last semester...things are not the same again...PHOBIA is the word man...zzz...lost the confidence to face test and exams already...gained confidence in facing people and problems in life but i lost the other one T_T how i wish i could exchange them for a moment...lol...

good morning malaysia?

..!.. if you thought this is a good post then fuck off now...what a great way to start the day after a fucked up night of sleep...dint really sleep well at all...a phone reminder's alarm woke me up at 8am....today is my mom's birthday...i was like WTF?haih...yes i dint go home this weekend again...she thought of coming down to klang to have lunch or dinner with me tomorrow...fine with that...of course i called her and wished her happy birthday...well,actually that is not the damn problem...there is another fucking problem that i have been ignoring since dont know when...CCB lar...i act dont know does not mean i fucking dont know...had lunch alone...fine with that...walk to the canteen,found that canteen was closed then i realised that today is hari raya...even more fuck,alot of shops are close...have to walk further...diu lar...when i thought things were alright but its not...fucked up people in a fucked up life! ..!.. fuck off lar...i am fucking tired on this issue!i have been acting and acting and acting!i dont give a fuck what you are trying to do but just dont fucking make me feel shity...

lost soul...

why am i here?
why am i doing what i am currently doing?
why am i like this?

i am like a person without past and future...i dont even know what am i having now currently...i dont even know whether i want whatever i am having now...i feel that i want more but i dont know what the fuck that i want...everything just came into my mind...everything...from years back till now...everything that had happened or is happening or is going to happen just proves that i am a fucking total FAILURE...i am good for nothing...why am i here?once again i feel like leaving...somewhere far...restart my life...fresh and new...no one knows me and i know no one...start a new life without repeating the mistakes that i did...mistakes that made me who am i today...i always try my best to be someone great but it always ended up the same way everytime...being nothing...is all i could do...i have lost the meaning of life long long time ago...i dont have a goal in life...i dont have a target in life...i am just basically empty...just walking on everyday not knowing why am i doing whatever i am doing...after falling so bad,its always been a question whether i could ever stand up again...my dad asked me the same question back then...i still dont know the answer now...i have been trying very hard this semester...in everything...the semester is ending and i felt that...i am not there yet...not near full recovery...not near of fully standing up again...everytime i see each of you...i feel so jealous...there is the meaning of life...the smile on you guys' faces each day...me?i got nothing...i am close to nothing,no one, no where...i am standing in the middle of a dark room...being alone is not what i want but it always happen to be this way...no matter what i do to change it...it will go back to the same place...i am tired inside me...nobody could help me except myself...with me being so pathetic and useless,how am i going to help myself? to me,everything ends with a question mark...if its not a question mark then its a bad ending...

no mood...

dont have the mood to do anything...just lying down on my comfy bed and relaxing...dont really have the mood to chat or study...just feel like seeing someone...at least i finished one of my MCBT reports...one more to go...

celebrated hui ying's birthday in station 1 just now...lol...she is a funny person...haha...during the last two MCBT lab sessions that we had together...i was busy kecoh-ing her...i kept telling her that i am trying to be kiasu...keep challenging her to finish the experiment faster because we were doing the same schedule! LOL! of course she lost both times...i am just good at experiments and lab work! XD haha...just jk anyway...no matter how i kecoh-ed her,she will just smile back -_- i had been having a lot of fun in labs during the last few weeks...especially pharm and MCBT lab i think...haha...i guess i would miss all the smiling faces next year...

i must admit that group A people are not that united compared to group B people...i had been to lab sessions with group B before...its kinda different...both groups have different kind of people...but to me,both groups are fun...i always hoped to be in group B for some reasons since first semester but for the last few weeks...i finally realised that group A aint bad at all...just that i dint really go explore and have fun...thanks guys...one felar i want to mention is...ALEC...LOL! this felar always kecoh me in lab...i guess i would miss this felar too...my lab partner too...GSC...must mention her a bit lar...if not she would kill me XD haha...just jk...thanks to her,i am able to catch up in dispensing pharm...doing those formula stuff...i know most of the time i copy but i do learn from her...i must say that our teamwork in doing lab work were quite good...lol...usually i would do the the dirty and harder work...LOL! no lar...just jk...like doing cream or ointment and stirring the cream non stop for half an hour...of course i do lar...she got no tenaga lar...LOL! shhh...going to tio whack liow...there are few other people also that turn my mood on during lab...lol...too bad,no more lab sessions anymore! =( haih...

8 more days to finals...finally its here...i feel scared and stress...just that i'm not showing it...just trying my best to study and push myself a little harder...i aint good at studies but i hope this time i can pass successfully...same to you guys...all of you must pass all...100%!

喜欢

found an old song that i love when i was younger...dont know when was that exactly...

喜歡 - 古巨基

喜歡你的頭髮　喜歡你的臉頰
喜歡你微笑的時候眼裡藏不住的光
喜歡你的害羞　喜歡你的瘋狂
想要一天二十四個小時守在你身旁

喜歡開你玩笑　喜歡叫你傻瓜
喜歡嚇你一跳的時候看你慌張的模樣
喜歡搭你肩膀　喜歡你會怕癢
喜歡趁你沒有防備偷襲你的手指甲

想要抱你一下　貼緊我的胸膛
想要告訴你這樣下去不是辦法
想要把你綁架　想要帶你回家
想要非常認真嚴肅的承諾地老天荒

想要非常認真嚴肅的承諾地老天荒

思念你令我驚慌　想到你令我膨脹
你的每個笑容都會令我幸福的快爆炸
見你的時候我總是說些傻呼呼的蠢話
令我隨時隨地瀕臨瘋狂

stupid fan!

what the hell! i came home from college and i found out that the ceiling fan in my room aint working! i was like OMG WTF BBQ! luckily i found out that one of my friend had an extra stand fan...so i quickly borrowed from her...if not tonight i wont be getting any sleep or studying...man...sucks lar! aih! dont know what happened to the ceiling fan but i suspect that the fuse is burned -_- i forgot to off it when i went to college this morning...

holding too tightly...

its time to let things loose...felt that i am holding everything too tightly...i dont know why but i always find myself holding things too tightly when i am appreciating them...i dont want to anymore...a lot of things are not in my control...all i can tell myself is dont put high expectations or hopes in anything i am into now...everything! i dont want to say it but there is definitely a gap already...dont deny it...its there and i cant do anything about it...i dont really care anymore...i felt that i always have been the one trying to make an effort in everything...me too will get tired...i am not a robot or a superman...me too is just a normal human...i just dont want to do abnormal or special things anymore because there is always a risk of getting nothing but just disappointment...in fact,the percentage of getting disappointment is higher for me...at this moment,i just felt like being normal...a normal person or just be no one...that way,i got nothing to lose...no one can hurt me either...i can say that i am pulling myself out of everything...done enough...its time to let loose and just be no one...

there are two roads ahead...we all have our own road to walk on...just that mine is different...all i can do is hope that everything would be fine for you guys...i dont really care anymore...i dont want to ask anything anymore...

stress stress stress...dint study much this two days...due to the timing of the lab sessions...felt tired and dont have the mood to study after lab...i am kinda excited about next year...there are so much things i want to do...i know i should not think of it right now...haha.all i should do now is concentrate concentrate and concentrate for my exams...i must clear this semester if not you guys wont be seeing me anymore...not really having a good mood this days...well...not bad mood nor good mood...just in the middle...nothing special...

yummy yum yum!

i'm hunting for books and notes! *drools* bookworm is on the move...digging and digging for notes...haha...failed to to have a nap just now...just cant fall asleep although i am tired...now i am semangat but i may fall asleep soon...lol...i must finish studying MCBT tomorrow! ROAR! bookworm knows how to roar...wth -_- ok...time to gogogo again...deep inside me,i feel stress and pressured...i am very scared of finals...i have phobia man...i just cant stop thinking about my coursework marks...damn...ahhh...i actually miss some of you guys k...cant see you guys that often anymore...sien...what's life without chating,laughters and jokes? if you call me to sit down and study non stop for the whole day,i rather go die...i just cant do that...just makes me think how can some of you guys just study the whole day without doing anything else! OMG! just imagine the concentration you have...zzz...can share some with me pls? \_(o.0)_/

~!@#$%^&*()_+

i just cant believe it...everything was wrong...its totally different from what i had expected...goodness! its the total damn opposite man! lol...here i am putting high hopes or expectations and thought that things were quality...just make me laugh at this point...here i am thinking what was best...man! what is in your mind? all i can say,ITS FUNNY SHIT! its a total joke! everything is total bullshit! XD hm...let's see what we have here =X no comments! alot actually but i wont say it out... LOL! OMG! tell me this aint happening and this aint true...everyone get disappointed sia...i must admit my prediction is wrong! FAILED! dint even pass the first test man...LMAO!

i realised something this few days...without noticing,someone had already set a standard in my heart which is quite high...things would have been much more better...to me,LDR does not suck and it aint hard for me but there arent much people that have what it takes to maintain it...

random...

i am being so random now...lol...always thinking about random stuff...was thinking about where to stay when i come down to KL to find you guys to lepak or go have fun o.0 NO PLACE! i wont be renting my klang apartment anymore after end of this month which leaves me with no options than just sleeping under the bridge or road side...LOL! i really cant think of any place to overnight -_- my second sister's place?i bet she would kill me! LOL!

ok...went to college today...only for one hour...kakaka...i am still having my flu which sucks loads...once entering library,i started sneezing non stop and i cant study properly so went home instead...ate some medicine and slept like a pig for few hours...after waking,the flu started coming again...i guess need to eat another time before going to sleep tonight...

damn sien...noobies can be seen everywhere...sucks...

Who would?

Who would come or drive all the way just because he misses you and wish to spend time with you and see you...
Who would drive you anywhere you want to go or felt like going...
Who would accompany you to do things that you wanted to do all along or go places that you wanted to go all along...
Who would be there for you whenever you are down or sad and would just do anything that would put that smile back on your face...
Who would do things that no one would do so that he can make you feel happy...
Who would stay up till late night just to accompany you when you are bored...
Who would stay up till late night just to make sure you are back home safely...
Who would learn things that he absolutely had no idea of just because of you...
Who would think never endingly of what to do when he made you angry and wanted to redeem himself...
Who would try his best just to get you something you like to eat...
Who would put down his pride or ego for a while just to beg for your forgiveness...
Who would leave his own work undone just to help you get your work done or study...
Who would be there or waiting for you when you are alone...
Who would think what's best for you so that you wont get hurt or fall...
Who would try his best to understand you and give full attention on every word you say or everything you do...
Who would wake up in the morning and the first he do was wishing you good morning...
Who would just hope and wish that you are safe and happy even though you are not with him...

Who would?

random post...too bored...still having flu...aih...

time to convert into a bookworm!

the weekend had passed by so fast...tomorrow is monday already!!! CHIONG AR! LOL...i shall go into my cocoon tonight and come out from it tomorrow as a bookworm! -_- for the last 3 days,its all about eat,eat and eat! wahahaha! ate a lot for dinner just now...dont ask what...MJ was kinda shocked also...there will be MCBT lab sessions on monday and wednesday for me i think...so i think i will spending most of the time in library rather than at home...its actually not bad being alone although i dont like it...it really sucks a lot at times but that's life and i have to live with it...like it or not,i still have to pass it...so i will pass it happily or contentedly rather than being sad,down or emo-ing...without realising i had changed as well,i always think negatively last time...that someone injected this positive thinking into me and from there on,i never really think on the negative side which is good...but,i am still the same,for every situation,i will think of and prepare for the worst possibility or worst case scenario so that i can face whatever that would happen...that's me...i hope the transformation of me into a bookworm will be completed tomorrow...too bad i dont wear specs!if not i would wear a nerd-looking specs!hahaha...there is always time for jokes and crapping huh?jia you guys!

the day in pictures...

the camera only had enough battery to snap few shots and then it died on us -_- wasted...if not there would be more...so took some pictures using noob phones again...haih...no pictures at yam cha session at lecka lecka!

at Jogoya! (RM88++ per pax)

eyes closing -_- tio MJ scold and the camera kinda died at that time!

retook using Sony Ericson K700 -_- look at the difference in colour man...

noob bro & i
(he finally styled his hair after 10years man! 10! WTF?thanks to the smart cm,i brought him for a hair cut with me at Scissors 2 and ended up styling it as well! XD his name is actually joey -_-)

MJ enjoying her soup! taken using Nokia 6170

me with new hairstyle but not much difference -_- i failed to reproduce the same one that the stylist styled for me the next day...haih...

flu!

dint have enough sleep yesterday...what you expect ler -_- slept at 6am and woke up around 11pm! to add on,i now have flu...my head is spinning non stop...very dizzy...lol...you can imagine me in flu...sneezing non stop...sucks...lol...make me feel more tired...have not been online this two days...dint chat with anyone either...or should i say...there is no one to be seen online...everybody is busy studying already! tomorrow is the last day of fun,relax and slacking...after this,its a full GOGOGO! there are few persons stuck in my mind...dont know why i am thinking of them...i miss them? i dont know...just felt like its been quite long since last talking to them...feel like talking to them but yet again dont want to disturb people's studies so i dint...somehow studies are also in my mind...just felt the guilt sometimes not studying...i promise myself i will study like a bookworm after this...must bring out the KIASU spirit liow...i am bored now...to my friends that are studying...do take a break after long hours after studying and relax and chill before continuing again...drink more water and please take care of your health...dont fall sick...important weeks are ahead...all the best...hope everything you study will stay in your head...

there's not much that i can think of you anymore...you are like an unknown person to me already...you seemed to have changed? i dont know...all i can think of is your face and the memories...that's all...be happy always!

the day...

went out the whole day since afternoon...i dont feel tired yet...still feel damn semangat...haha...we went to jogoya for dinner...due to some unwanted circumstances and traffic jam,we only manage to reach times square at 7pm and we walked to starhill...its been years since i last went there...not years but very long liow...more than one year...lol...after jogoya,we went to lecka lecka to yam cha...lol...finally get to try sisha...wanted to try it for quite long liow...finally! satisfaction! XD after that went to watch movie,'i now pronounce you,chuck and larry' its quite nice...some part is funny and its a quite good story...about two friends going far ends for each other...oh ya...new hair cut...quite satisfied with it...its a different look i think...haha...but i dont know whether i can reproduce the same hairstyle that the stylist styled for me...hope i can...spent quite alot of money today but the money was well spent...i dont think we will having this kinda session until next year T_T damn long weh...wth...its a great day...very long dint have fun like this liow...after movie,came back to klang and yam cha again...it was already 3.30am by the time i reach home...lol...

thought of some quotes when i was walking just now...quotes back from the movie 'the fast and furious:tokyo drift' i think the quotes kinda suit me...not sure about it either...haha...not say i choose lar...i really want to be with the guys i am being with now...MJ and noob bro!

Who you choose to be around you lets you know who you are.

I have money. What I need around me is trust and character. And one car in exchange for finding out what a man's made of is a price I can live with.

lol...the money part and car part is not me...but something similar can be achieved...sometimes i dont mind spending big bucks going out and hanging around with heng dais or ji muis...if that's the price,i really can live with it =D i am not a rich brat but to me friendship is some sort of quite important...i know money cant buy everything...i am not saying money can buy friendship...definitely not...hm...i hope you guys understand what i trying to say lar...maybe spend money to spend time together...something like that...time for me to sleep...6am already -_-

the day has come...

destiny calls upon! XD finally the day is here...woot! tomorrow is a big day! haha! going to cut hair! stupid noob hair! today is james' birthday...tomorrow is daniel's birthday...lol...celebrated daniel's birthday just now...i am feeling great...my heart is still beating fast...LOL...i know what i want to do now...which is...STUDY! haha. just jk...i planned something...the last resort...the grand finale...sound so geng...since when i am not GENG? wahahahah! good lar! set! i am smiling all the way...good start as well! i think i dint say much vulgar words today! XD

changes in life...

once again things have changed...lol...its expected though...already used to it...kinda bored of it liow...its a cycle...its been happening for this two years...nvm lar...everything would end soon...so many things changed...some take long time to change and some changes so fast that you cant even realise what had changed...me myself had changed in every part of me...for me,its always fast...things come and go...when it goes,its like nothing happened at all before...lol...no matter what i do and try,in the end,its out of my control and its not my problem...its funny...i kept trying,improving,changing till the fact that sometimes i think i am a monster...why can i change so easily? at least its always for the improvement that i change...i dont know how much i can change more...how much more i can improve....lol...

today i had some irritating sights on something...damn irritating till the point i felt like moving to another place to sit...fk off lar noob...get out of my sight...you are just pathetic...lol...friends?heng dais?ji muis?the question is how much you understand me?zero? o.0 lol...sometimes i feel that some people dont have what it takes to be my heng dai or ji muis or my close friends...i am damn particular on my heng dais...no point...it takes much more effort to be close to me...if you thought you were close to me,think twice...did you really understand how i work things?the way i think?the way i handle stuff?did i really expose everything to you?lol...THINK!actually this part is not for everyone...its for certain people...so dont think its you i'm talking about...my blog is where i release...the place i talk to when i cant find anyone to talk to...

i am contented with things...just happy and glad that there are still a few people that i can count on...MJ and my noob bro...this two have been magnificent companions...i dont know what to say or how to repay them...all i can do is not to disappoint them...there are still few more...if you think you are,then you are...maybe show that you are...one month left,CHERISH is the word...

realised that i have been very vulgarr this days...its time to change again...

normal day...

woke up in the morning and found that my ankle is damn pain...i cant walk properly...was limping when going to college and walking around...during lunch break,i kinda stretch it a little to feel more comfortable...loosen it up...indeed it worked...i can walk without limping and pain but there is still some dragging when i walk...when i came home,i take off my shoe and my socks and this is what my ankle looked like...i was like WTF? but it does not hurt that much anymore...i know it looks ugly but actually if you see it with your own eyes...its much more ugly and worse...lol...due to my cacat handphone,the picture reduced the colour -_- that's what you get for having a VGA camera in a noob handphone...today's lab session was quite ok...lol...damn blur...we actually finished the experiment before finding out that we went wrong somewhere...we were not SPECIFIC and ACCURATE enough...in this lab session,its all about QUALITY CONTROL...so please use PIPETTES and dont use DROPPER or MEASURING CYLINDER! learned my lesson and repeated the experiment...luckily,i am pro in using the spectrophotometer so managed to finish it fast! haha. just jk! XD its wednesday already...two more days and its friday already!WOOT!need to study ar! sien...

my beautiful sprained ankle -_- it dint look like this before i go to college...

PAIN!

my stupid ankle is hurting so damn much...fk man...how can i sleep like that? its been a long time since i last suffered such injuries...its swollen -_- aih...other than the pain...i feel blank...searching for the true meaning of life...i am tired of being bored everyday and yet there is nothing i can do about it...i am tired of being stuck in this life....tired of being in the same situation again and again...i feel like leaving this pathetic place which is impossible...i want to go somewhere else...i want to go somewhere that no one knows me and start new...be a new person once again...i had been in klang for 3 years...there were loads of downs compared to the ups...haih...next year would be the 4th year in klang...i am still looking for the one...the one that would really care for me and be beside me...sometimes the more you look for that something,the more that something wont appear...without looking,it already appeared twice in front of me...when i am looking for it,it wont appear at all...it just sucks...i am lacking that feeling...that feeling that would spark my life everyday...i'm afraid i will get numb of everything soon...

-_-

sucks man...i sprained my ankle during warm up session in futsal...somehow managed to play through out the one and the half hour but in the middle i fell on it again...which makes it feel pain again...after the second fall,i cant run anymore...i dont feel tired at all -_- wtf weh...i thought i would pancit very fast but i dint...lol...now i walk like an ah pek...lol...nvm lar...i think it would heal very soon...it should be ok after one week...damn bored...got lab session and lectures tomorrow...damn lazy lar...dont feel like going for the lectures XD haha.rather study in the library or at home...but still have to go...

decision made...

thanks to a few person...i found my answer...its always for the greater good and what's best for me...thanks for injecting this into my brain...i cant afford to fall again...lol...shooting star is moving again...flying through the sky fighting against gravity to stay high in the sky so that everyone could see it...must study gao gao!i dont want to disappoint my parents again!today i dint study at all so far due to some reasons...lol...its funny and coincident...today me n MJ realised that the boss of Witchery had almost identical name with me...in terms of pronouncing it...lol...

my name : 萧宗铭 Desmond Siow Chun Ming cm
boss' name : 杨忠明 Desmond Yeo Chong Bing cb

LOL...damn funny...when we saw that name card...MJ was looking at the ZONG MING part...i was looking at the DESMOND part...lol...going for futsal later!WOOT!its been weeks that we last played futsal...i want to play my best XD not much chances left!

troubled...

cant fall asleep once again...i'm troubled again...aih...i may gain back old habits...wtf...i hate this man...i dont like to be in this situation...i feel so damn pressured and stress...i have to think a way out of this if not i wont be able to get any sleep for the next few days...fuck it...life is pathetic...its always negative things happening to me...i dont see any positive things happening at all...WTF! why me? what you want from me? why cant you just leave me alone and give me a fucking peaceful life?

shooting star...

i saw one shooting star when i am very small...that time i just thought why that thing pass by so fast! i cant even see it! then i asked my sister,will there be another one? lol...funny...now i would think that i am like a shooting star...not appearing so often...once appearing,it wont be long...you have to seriously catch it or cherish it even for that short moment...but i am a different kind of shooting star...i can stop at a particular place for a while before continuing to move...the moment i continue to move is the moment i give up or let go of that place...so far,i stopped at one place but decided to continue moving...now,i found myself staying at a particular place again...and i dont feel like continue moving at all and for the rest of the burning flames of the shooting star, i would stay there...

for love,i am willing to give my whole heart in it...doing the impossibles...going far ends that people never reached before...i am a crazy person...i come up with ideas that are impossible...only possible for me myself...impossible things that i would do just to see that person smile...that's me...its either deep or none...ALL OR NOTHING...the biggest problem is...i dont know when and how to get myself out of it...once i press the start button,i just cant stop...i would just give everything i have and do the best i can just to see that person smile...once seeing that person smile,i would feel that everything i did isnt big at all and its worth it...

i dont know what am i thinking and feeling now...currently my mind on this matter is all messed up...i dont know what to do and what to think...i just feel that you might be the one after so long...

谁都想感到被爱

emo post...

go away if you dont want to read...haih...some people in my life are irreplaceable...like you...you are irreplaceable but i am replaceable...at this moment...i just feel that i am no one special to anyone around me...i ask myself...will i be forgotten?i cant answer that question cause i feel that yes,i can be forgotten so easily as though i had never existed...i had this feeling before and i cant bare it...i never wanna say goodbye...its fated...we have to split ways...remember that song titled 'sorry seems to be the hardest word' total bullshit...to me, its 'goodbye seems to be the hardest word' to say to the close ones and loved ones...i am emo-ing...so what?